MONDO EXTRAS

Kirk storms into the Great Hall and demands of the cured Parma Ham why their ship is being held in the thrall of the planet. Alexander is in the middle of playing some weird song on a harp, containing some verses that go, "Bek-ek-ek-ek-ek-exx." Very odd, these musical interludes. Parmen tries to say he's mistaken, but Kirk's not buying it; he informs Parmen that they came to his rescue in good faith, and orders him to release his ship tout suite. Parmen tells him he's the ruler of all the land and guests do not come barging in, making demands and issuing orders. Kirk's phase pistol flies out of its holster and into Parmen's hand. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid. Kirk crabs that Parmen needs the Webster's Collegiate to look up the definition, since he's keeping them there by brute force. Alexander looks scared, and Parmen thunders at Kirk not to speak of him in that tone of voice. Suddenly, Kirk's hand is in front of his own face, and it starts slapping him. There's this great page on Sci-Fi.com which keeps score on all sorts of things -- Kirk's conquests, Spock saying "logical," Chekov's Russian pride, et cetera -- in every TOS episode, and it calculates that Kirk slapped himself fourteen times in this one. Kirk looks very surprised by this sudden turn of events and jerks his head about quite a bit in reaction. This philosopher-king is my kind of scum: fearless and inventive.

Kirk and Co. are back in the Great Hall, and it would appear that Parmen, like most of his crew, thought all Kirk needed was a good slapping, because now the Platonians are ready to let the humans go with a few thank-you baubles. Philana curtseys and passes out the trinkets: "They stem from the very source of our inspiration. To our noble captain, the shield carried by Pericles, as a symbol of gallant leadership." Philana psychokinetics the shield into Kirk's hands. "To our silent and cerebral Mr. Spock, this kithara to pluck music to soothe his ever-active brow." Philana flips an instrument into Spock's hands. "And lastly to the physician Dr. McCoy who saved Platonius and my spouse, this ancient collection of Greek cures, penned by Hippocrates himself," and two scrolls make their way to Bones. So, Kirk gets the sword of Pericles and Bones gets some Hippocratic spells, but Spock just gets some lousy lyre that belonged to no one famous? What a gyp. Kirk asks if their ship has been released, and Parmen holds up a hand, apologizing for his behavior and telling Kirk that his ill health upset him more than he realized. He explains to Kirk that at times, the good captain must have been out of sorts and driven to temper tantrums himself. Shall we list a few episodes? "Unlike you, however, what I think and feel, whether for good or ill, is instantly translated into reality so please, find it in your heart to forgive me," Parmen orates handsomely. Kirk grudgingly says he understands, and asks again if the ship has been released. Sitting by an indoor pool and clutching a drum, Alexander looks scared. Parmen tells him it will be released momentarily. Kirk thanks him for their toys and bids them "good day." Parmen detains them, saying he has one further request; Bones must stay with them. Forever.