There Was A Freakish Man Who Had A Freakish Smile
The Thing thinks that maybe Kirk would be willing to loan him one of his men to participate in an "exchange of informations -- cultures." Oddly enough, that's exactly what Michael Jackson called it. And note that he suggests one of Kirk's men -- I'll bet it's because if it were a woman, she'd start lactating on sight. UGH! I didn't think it was possible to skeeve myself out after all this! The price you pay for having an overactive imagination is directly related to drinking your weight in the ooze of smashed juniper berries. Since Beetle looks so interested, Kirk volunteers him. Beetle smiles wide from Chiclet-sized teeth. The Thing comprehends: "Ahh, you represent Earth's best, then!" Yeah, or something. Beetle aw-shucks and says he makes plenty of mistakes, but Kirk thinks that The Thing will learn much more from them that way, and he'll get a better officer back. Whatever. Once Beetle falls into that pit of plush pillows and laméd legs, he's never coming back to Enterprise. The Thing throws back his "head" and laughs again. This time much longer. Mathra calls a pet psychiatrist. I call the friendly neighborhood exorcist. The Thing gets up to shake Kirk's hand and says that they think alike. He doesn't let go of Kirk's hand. Beetle and Bones get up as well. Next, The Thing takes Bones's hand and says that before he brings back the Fesarius, he will show them his vessel. "It's not often I have this pleasure," The Thing says, disappearing behind another gauzy curtain. Why doesn't that surprise me? The Away Team follows. "Yes, we are very much alike, Captain -- both proud of our ships," is the last thing we hear The Thing say. You can just read into that what you like -- I sure did. And it haunts me still.
Now excuse me while I go drown this tape in holy water, burn it, and scatter its ashy carcass to the seven corners of the Earth.