We switch to Kirk's false memory and see him actually carrying Hell'n-a-Handbasket to his cabin as she giggles. Shouldn't she have tinsel in her hair, and be holding mistletoe and a bottle of champagne to finish off Auntie Hackneyed's recipe for Trite Pie? The neural-neutralized "memory" is smudged around the edges -- like some Paramount crewmember rubbed Vaseline around the camera lens -- to tell us it's all a Hex hoax. Sham Hell'n-a-Handbasket wonders if his crew saw him carry her off to his cave. Sham Kirk scoffs that it hardly matters. Sham Hell'n-a-Handbasket pretends that she is worried about her reputation: "Of course, it would be different if you cared for me." Sham Kirk asks, "You want me to manufacture a lie? Wrap it up as a Christmas present for you?" Wow. He's a big jerk. "No, I'd prefer honesty," Sham Hell'n-a-Handbasket breathes, and then kisses him. I don't know what's going on anymore -- would she not have macked him if he had said he did care about her? Or maybe she's just that easy. I'm confused.

Back in the realish world, Kirk smiles in the chair. Then his jaw goes slack again. I'll bet that's the only thing that's slack on him right now. In the control booth, Hell'n-a-Handbasket is attacked by one of Dr. Adams's men and restrained as Dr. Adams steps up to the controls. For some reason they show that exact same shot of Kirk smiling, then going slack again. I giggle at the thought of Kirk grin-slacking over and over again as he gets tan lines. "And now Captain Kirk is going to have a complete demonstration. I want there to be no doubts whatsoever in his mind," Dr. Adams says. Or anything else, for that matter. Pumping up the UV damage, Dr. Adams suggests that Kirk is madly in love with Hell'n-a-Handbasket and would lie, cheat, and steal for her. Hell'n-a-Handbasket struggles in protest. Kirk's face starts to twitch. "Sacrifice your career, your reputation," Dr. Adams goes on. Kirk starts to look distraught, and Dr. Adams asks if he can feel the pain. "You must have her or the pain grows worse. The pain, the longing for her," Dr. Adams suggests. "Helen!" Kirk mutters, staring with knitted brow up at the sunlamp. Dr. Adams tells Kirk that he's loved Hell'n-a-Handbasket for years. "For years I've loved you," Kirk tells the sunlamp. Dr. Adams tells Kirk pleasantly that he must continue to remember that. "And now, she's gone!" Dr. Adams turns up the intensity. "Helen!" Kirk cries out, "don't go! I need you Helen!" Dr. Adams tells Kirk to drop his phaser on the floor. Kirk holds up his phaser and stares at it. Dr. Adams tells him the pain increases unless he obeys him. "I...must...drop...it," Kirk says, and drops it. Dr. Adams tells him to do the same with his communicator. Kirk pulls out his communicator and opens it. "Drop it!" Dr. Adams tells him. Kirk makes a face like he ate a bug. He opens the communicator and says, "Kirk...to...Enterprise." Dr. Adams turns up the beam. He's going to be burned when he comes out. Kirk wrenches himself up in the chair and then humpbacks around -- without ever actually getting out of the chair -- groaning, "Kirk...to...Enterprise!" Hell'n-a-Handbasket screams. Kirk cries. I don't think Kirk's going to need to make a raid on any kitchen after all that take-out scenery.