What does Kirk need with a toupee?
Kirk climbs some rock, blandly reminiscent of the opening at El Capitan. Stuff explodes around him, and the big blue face with the large pores comes before him. Just as Kirk is to meet his Maker (heh -- funnier that time around), the Klingon Bird of Prey rises into view, lowers a gun, and fires at the big blue face. The gun then points at Kirk. "So it's me you want, you Klingon bastards," he snarls, "what're you waiting for?" He's beamed aboard. Two Klingons escort him to the bridge, where the Klingon consul orders him released and says, "Kirk, my junior officer has something he wants to say to you." The Consul growls at Klaa, who steps forward and says, "I -- apologize." Another Klingon growl from the Consul. "The attack upon your vessel was not authorized by my government," Klaa finishes. "Good," the Consul beams, "and now, may I present our new gunner." A swivel chair spins around to reveal -- Spock! Did I or did I not say that anyone in a swivel chair who spins around to face you is planning to put one over on you? Well, didn't I? Thank you. Spock welcomes Kirk aboard. "I thought I was going to die," Kirk tells him. "Not possible," Spock says, "you were never alone." Kirk leaps to clasp him in his arms. "Please, captain," Spock says, "not in front of the Klingons." ["Word. Don't encourage the Kirk-Spock slash writers, Bill." -- Sars] Kirk remembers himself and takes a deep breath.
Back aboard the Enterprise, a party rages as everyone celebrates the -- well, I'm not exactly sure what they're celebrating. The destruction of a spiritual crusade? The death of Spock's brother and the loss of a potential Messiah? Well, they all drink and have a good time, at any rate. The Klingon Consul walks over to Sinjun and the Romulan consul and asks, "What are you two conspiring about?" Sinjun, his arm around the Romulan, says that they've come so far in such a short time. If that's the way he wants to look at this mission, more power to him and his state of denial. Chekov and Sulu follow Klaa's female first officer's butt into the lounge, and Chekov says, "She has vunderful musckels." They do an about-face when the female first officer walks over to a glowering Klaa, who respectfully salutes Kirk in ye olde Klingon manner. What is all this -- the Mega-Happy ending of Wayne's World? "And I learned that having a bumpy forehead and a Number One with tight buttocks will get you far in life, almost to the top, but it won't get me respect from James Tiberius Kirk, which I so want." Kirk returns the salute and joins Spock and Bones as they stare at the bluish non-Shakari planet. More speculative God talk, which Kirk ends by saying that maybe God exists in their "human hearts." Okay, that's a bit rude and racist, considering their Vulcan company and the races of the individuals on the ship who went looking for a god. When prompted, Spock comments that he was thinking of his lost brother. "Yes, I lost a brother once," Kirk says. Bones looks confused. "I was lucky, I got him back," Kirk says, looking at Spock. "I thought you said men like us don't have families," Bones argues. "I was wrong," Kirk says. Baby, you said a mouthful.