MONDO EXTRAS

An unidentified starbase looms in the distance as Scotty's voice says, "U.S.S. Enterprise shake-down crews report. I think this new ship was put together by monkeys! Oh, she's got a fine engine, but half the doors don't open and guess whose job it is to make it right?" Meanwhile, the camera pans across the saucer portion of a starship bearing the name U.S.S. Excelsior, passes it, and centers on the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701A. Mathra informs me at great length that the shot was actually taken from the ending of the previous movie. He goes on to say that it was uncertain whether there would be another U.S.S. Enterprise after Kirk destroyed it, and whether the U.S.S. Excelsior would actually become the flagship -- not helmed by Kirk -- of the Federation. So the use of the shot from Star Trek: The Voyage Home is just to remind everyone that, yes, the U.S.S. Enterprise is back. Uhura walks onto the bridge and finds Scotty on the ground, grumbling in technobabble. There's some minor flirtation as Uhura offers Scotty dinner in the form of silver bags. Look, I realize the ship is having problems, so their replicators (or "food selectors," as Kirk's generation called them) might be offline, but given that they're docked at a starbase, I don't see any reason why Uhura should resort to freeze-dried ice cream for dinner. The computer starts rapping a red alert. Uhura jams her earpiece in and gives the go-ahead. Starfleet informs them of the hostage situation on Nimbus III and orders them to fix it. Scotty crinkles his dinner in consternation and says, "They canna be serious -- the ship's in pieces and we've got less than a skeleton crew aboard." Uhura asks Starfleet if they are aware of their "current status." Starfleet acknowledges, but orders her to "stand by to copy operational orders and recall key personnel." Uhura and Scotty gape at each other.

Meanwhile, Chekov's hairpiece and Sulu's hairpiece are out hiking in the wilderness. Chekov's hairpiece tells Sulu's hairpiece to admit that they're lost. "Okay, we're lost, but we're making good time," Sulu says, copping a Yogi Berra. Uhura's voice commands them to "come in, please." Sulu gripes and answers his communicator. Uhura tells them their shore leave has been cancelled because of the situation on Nimbus III, and tells them to return to their pre-arranged coordinates for pick-up. "Rescued et lest!" Chekov crows. Not wanting to admit that they're lost ("Ve'd nevare leeve it duwn!"), Sulu and Chekov employ principles of slapstick and pretend to be caught in a blizzard (here Chekov blows into the communicator) while asking to be directed to the coordinates. Uhura chews on some wry toast and informs them that her visual reports sunny and 73 degrees at their location. Curses, foiled again! And, uh, they're still using Fahrenheit in the 23rd century? Uhura tells them their secret is safe with her; she'll send someone to pick them up. They just know each other so well.