Enterprise

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C | 358 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Ding Dong, Daniels is Dead!

The next scene should probably strike fear, loathing, and general ickiness in the hearts of all red-blooded Americans, but you know? Thinking of the current administration scares me much more. Nazi banners are draped all over the White House, which is missing a corner off the top and scorch marks. Inside, the Alienazis are showing period-y black and white films of a new phaser weapon that can blow apart a tank in a single shot. They're developing that kind of technology and they still can't watch it in color? Not a very effective salesman, this Camel Taupe. The human Nazi --who is no Conrad Veidt, by the way -- wants the new weapon right away, but Camel Taupe explains why that would not be adequate leverage of their particular combined skill set if they wanted to grow their win, win, win for the Alienazis, the Nazis, and the compulsory serving of sauerkraut at breakfast. He mentions how, in his century, they have energy cells the size of a coin, but not so much in this century. But you know what they do have? Visine. Camel Taupe requires more supplies, but Nonrad Veidt screeches -- in that weird way that only Nazis and red-bottomed monkeys ever mastered -- that they can't keep diverting supplies from the war effort. Camel Taupe explains that as they are in the "house of the former U.S. President," he thinks the war effort is going well enough. What is with the over-explanation? Do they really have such a low opinion of their audience that they think we wouldn't recognize the White House just because they pinned up a few swastikas here and there? Puh-leese -- we watch West Wing!

Nonrad Veidt jabs at a map and talks about strategy. We can see that the Nazis have taken over most of the East Coast and part of Ohio. Nonrad Heimlichs on that Africa isn't secured and the Russians are making a valiant effort to take back Moscow, and that no one wants to tell Adolf this, but the idea that the Germans have taken too much too quickly is rumbling though the men. But that could just be the sausages. Camel Taupe points out that that's why it's muy importante that they get the phaser-ouzies all fixed up. To prove that Camel Taupe would never be so unimaginative as to concentrate only on mere weapons, he tells of a plague that could wipe out all non-Aryans. "No need for extermination camps -- just a few grams of a pathogen introduced into the water supply," Camel Taupe dream-weaves. "You make promeeses but all ve ever see iz feelms!" Nonrad Colonel Klinks. But have you seen All Through the Night? Because that's a good one -- Nazis, New York, cheesecake rituals, Dame Judith Anderson, AND her flesh-toned mole. "We both embrace the ideals of purity and perfection," Camel Taupe soothes the German beast. Yeah? Then how do you explain your ugly-ass face, dude? Camel Taupe convinces Nonrad to maintain their partnership, as it is vital to their mutual survival, and Nonrad admits that no one has suggested ending "any-sing." Camel Taupe expects his phouzie ingredients by the end of the week. They bang heels for mutual clickification and snap their heads down. Do you think Nazis had special shoes made to withstand such constant abuse? Maybe it's just really good leather.

Enterprise

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