Storm Front, Part I

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Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
Ding Dong, Daniels is Dead!

Nonrad Veidt jabs at a map and talks about strategy. We can see that the Nazis have taken over most of the East Coast and part of Ohio. Nonrad Heimlichs on that Africa isn't secured and the Russians are making a valiant effort to take back Moscow, and that no one wants to tell Adolf this, but the idea that the Germans have taken too much too quickly is rumbling though the men. But that could just be the sausages. Camel Taupe points out that that's why it's muy importante that they get the phaser-ouzies all fixed up. To prove that Camel Taupe would never be so unimaginative as to concentrate only on mere weapons, he tells of a plague that could wipe out all non-Aryans. "No need for extermination camps -- just a few grams of a pathogen introduced into the water supply," Camel Taupe dream-weaves. "You make promeeses but all ve ever see iz feelms!" Nonrad Colonel Klinks. But have you seen All Through the Night? Because that's a good one -- Nazis, New York, cheesecake rituals, Dame Judith Anderson, AND her flesh-toned mole. "We both embrace the ideals of purity and perfection," Camel Taupe soothes the German beast. Yeah? Then how do you explain your ugly-ass face, dude? Camel Taupe convinces Nonrad to maintain their partnership, as it is vital to their mutual survival, and Nonrad admits that no one has suggested ending "any-sing." Camel Taupe expects his phouzie ingredients by the end of the week. They bang heels for mutual clickification and snap their heads down. Do you think Nazis had special shoes made to withstand such constant abuse? Maybe it's just really good leather.

Sickbay. Phlox SCATs Daniels and concludes that he's dying (YAY!) because his body has aged at a dramatic rate. Although there are also some places where his body has actually reverted to nearly fetal tissue. I don't want to even KNOW where exactly those places are. Time-Traveling AIDS aside, T'Pol needs to talk to Daniels as he may be, like Obi-Wan, their only hope.

Back on the set of "A Piece of the Action," Oxmyx, Krakko (but sadly, no Spocko), and some others head over to Alicia's place. We see Nazis beating and killing people in the streets. The mobsters pause momentarily to consider a turf war, but keep trucking. Inside the apartment, Oxmyx checks out Alicia's windows and announces that "Vic" was arrested a few hours ago. The Nazis are trying to find out where they misplaced Quantum and they think this Vic might know something. The mobsters want to know who Quantum is and what's so special about him, but Quantum tells them "it's classified." I'm annoyed that the mobsters don't say, "Yeah? Well, classify THIS!" and shoot him in the kneecaps. Oxmyx does point a gun in Quantum's face and tells him he has three seconds, but as he counts down, another mobster intervenes and tells him to calm down. All Quantum will say is that they are on the same side. "Damn military," Oxmyx scoffs, "you cut and run and leave us at the mercy of these Nazi bastards." Quantum says there was no cutting or running on his part. "Oh, yeah, yeah, I forgot -- it was an 'orderly retreat,'" Oxmyx sneers as sirens wail by. Oxmyx turns to Alicia -- who, let's face it, is just Lily from First Contact in bobby socks and a ponytail -- and tells her that if Vic breaks, they won't be safe. Alicia pops open a bottle of Moxie and says she's not leaving her home. And I'll bet she'll never go hungry again either. Oxmyx bites back a proud smile and says they are going to get more info on Vic. As he leaves, he actually smiles at Quantum, which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Like, are we expected to believe that this mobster, who has been living under and fighting a Nazi occupation, suddenly just *snap* trusts this stranger, especially since the stranger has given zip in the info or trust-building departments? Well, then again, we are expected to believe that the time travel plot hasn't gotten nearly enough play in twenty-seven years of Trek -- isn't that right, Bermaga? Don't make me come up with an insulting nickname for you, Manny.

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