Storm Front, Part II

Episode Report Card
Keckler: F | Grade It Now!
Silik Stalkings

Cask 23: I'm sparing you all my traditional dance to the theme song.
Keckler: Yeah? You do a little dance? See, for me, the dance is over -- sickened feet have got no rhythm. So, I'm never gonna dance again.

Nonrad Veidt and Camel Taupe stand in front of a sepia-toned (that's how you know it's all historical) map of the United States and argue about whose getting the raw end of the deal in their partnership. What's going on with Canada during all this? They're probably up there saying, "No, no -- just go on pretending we don't exist -- same as usual. No, really. No. Really." While looking down his veiny nose at the Nazis and their piddling non-temporal battles, Camel Taupe even threatens to take his Alienazis and go over to the other side. "If your race were to endure for a million years, you couldn't begin to approach what we've accomplished." Yeah, unless you've walked through various timelines in another man's shoes...wait, hold on, I don't get the threats here. I mean, the Alienazis are stuck in this particular time -- why couldn't Nonrad Veidt's response be like, "Well, if I killed you and your men now, you wouldn't exist. You -- and your race -- are made vulnerable by your very presence in this time." Clearly, the Nazis were able to invade America without the Alienazis help, because we're later told that it is the assassination of Lenin in 1916 that then enabled the Nazis to dominate, AND we're informed that Lenin's assassination had nothing to do with the Alienazis since they've only been on Earth for a few years! I mean, this entire hour of television is pointless and a complete waste of time. I know it's going to reset itself in the end, so of COURSE it really doesn't have to make sense how, when, why, or WTF! Asinine. Completely asinine. "The next time you feel the urge to threaten me, just remember this: I can erase you from history -- as if you've never existed," Camel Taupe threatens. But...HOW!? How can he travel back in time to erase this guy from this time if he's STUCK IN THIS TIME AND NEEDS THE NAZIS' HELP TO BUILD HIS TIME MACHINE?! Screw it.

Cask 23: You know, you don't have to worry about getting anything wrong in your notes because it will all be reset by the end of the episode.

Too true.

Alicia, still not freaking out about her tenure on a spaceship, rudely rearranges personal photographs in the quarters she's been assigned. Quantum arrives to tell her how the old tenant of the quarters died fighting a hostile species, and that while war doesn't exist on Earth in his time, it still exists in space. "Space ships...people from other planets...people from...the future? It's all a little too much for Alicia Travers from Bensonhurst." Well, throw in a guy in a Michelin Man suit and it's all a little too much for me, too. Wait, a minute, Bensonhurst? Dude, last week when I mentioned that we were on Sars's street? I was kidding. But, hey, shout-out to Sars! I'll bet she feels extra special now. ["I've got to move, immediately. Heh." -- Sars] Anyway, Nazis or not, Alicia wants to go home to defend her turf. "Besides, she's gotta move her car," Cask 23 adds. Quantum asks her to keep an eye out for Trip and May-Wie-ist-das-Wetter-heute and promises that they're going to help his beloved country. God, I'm surprised they didn't patch in Kate Smith singing "God Bless America" in her cartoonish quaver. Oh, what -- that would have been over the top?

The Alienazis test their time machine and try to figure out what the deal is with Trip and May-Wie-ist-das-Wetter-heute. The time machine test has problems, the Alienazis know that Trip and May-Wetter aren't temporal agents, and the Alienazis still don't trust the Nazis.

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