Strange New World

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
Requiem For A Transporter Beam

In another tent with less homoerotic tension, Scrunchieface is trying to sleep, and Junk Food is all, "Somebody's out there!" "It's the wind," she says, and rolls back over in her sleeping bag. Their tents look like they were purchased at Target. T'Pol is shown briefly struggling with her tent, and that's good for a chuckle.

Trip suddenly jumps up. "Son of a bitch!" he exclaims. "There's something in my bag!" Mayweather plays it off like it wasn't his hand in there, but then they see that there's some funky gold scorpion in there, too. "Gimme yer boot!" Trip yells. "Why?" Mayweather asks. "So's I kin squarsh it!" Trip responds. So much for a peaceful mission. Mayweather is squeamish about killing. T'Pol looks on from her own tent with something like unfunny amusement. Trip has decided he's going to shoot the bug, but he'll set his phaser on stun. T'Pol calls to ask if they're okay. Trip says they're fine except for the eight-inch scorpion that was creeping around his sleeping bag. Uh, Trip? That wasn't the scorpion. As they're arguing, the tents start to get unpegged, and Mayweather asks if T'Pol had seen a cave earlier. T'Pol says yes, but neglects to mention that it's a spooky, creepy cave, just like the one from the previews. "We're going to need it!" Mayweather yells in the storm. It's not the perfect storm. It's not even the "below average and dropped out of middle school" storm.

You know what this show needs right about now? Some commercials.

Reed is walking down a hall and comes to the Captain's quarters. He beeps and is told to come in. As he does, Cpt. Quantum throws him a bright yellow volleyball. Um, volleyball? I thought you were a manly man. "Nice catch," the Captain says, as he gets up in his gray-blue T-shirt. "You'd make a good two-meter man." Damn, these academy guys have some high dating standards. The upshot is I've now got Missy Elliot's "One Minute Man" stuck in my head, which sure beats the opening theme. "Too bad we don't have a pool onboard," Cpt. Quantum concludes. Wait, water polo? What is this, the pansy brigade? To boldly go where no lacrosse team has gone before? Again, for the record: Bakula? Not so manly. To his credit, the Brit is somehow more macho. Reed says, "A shame," with just a Tabasco sauce flow of sarcasm. Reed gives Cpt. Quantum a heads-up on the bad weather on the planet and suggests they go get their away team.

Quantum reaches out and touches T'Pol via communicator and asks what their status is. She says, as flashlights wave around in a dank cave, that they've relocated to a cavern. "We'll keep an eye on the storm," Quantum says, and now he sounds like the Weather Channel anchor. Cpt. Quantum tells T'Pol to call if she needs anything, and then tells Reed to keep the shuttle on standby. Quantum is still holding the yellow volleyball. Surely that must mean something.

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