Strange New World

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
Requiem For A Transporter Beam

Inside the cave, Scrunchieface is looking for some stage business, but there's nothing here but stalactites and stalagmites.

Back outside, Trip almost trips and falls over a cliff, just like Mayweather. They both stop just in time. We intercut between them and Scrunchieface, who is now hearing voices coming out of the walls. Sadly, she left her copy of Dark Side of the Moon back on the ship. Scrunchieface finds T'Pol and asks who "they" were, the ones she was talking to. "Excuse me?" T'Pol says. "Talking to? There's no one here." Scrunchieface looks scared.

Trip reaches up and touches the Captain with his communicator. He tells Quantum the situation. Cpt. Quantum asks if they can get back to the cave. He has his concerned "dammit, those are my crewmembers!" look on. Trip and Mayweather head back into the cave, happy that the Captain is going to pick them up in his big space station wagon.

T'Pol informs Trip that the rocks are made of limestone and cormalite. "Nothing more." Ensign Scrunchieface busts in with, "She's lying. I saw her talking to them. In there." Oh no she di'in't! "She's mistaken," T'Pol says. Scrunchieface says she's not, suddenly growing a spine somewhere in that blue away-team suit. The flashlight becomes an interrogation beam on T'Pol's shiny lips.

Shuttle craft. Reed and Cpt. Quantum are in a shaky vessel. They contact Ensign Junk Food, who's out in the wind, crouching on the ground, going nuts like he's Anne Heche. Except in this case, there really is a spaceship coming to get him. "Go to Hell!" Junk Food yells at the Captain. Oh my God. He's having a Big Mac Attack! Reed looks stunned. Just stunned.

Back in the cave, T'Pol is still deny, deny, deny. Everybody else is skeptical of her motives, being that they've all seen strange creatures. Where's Vin Diesel when you need him? "I assure you I didn't speak to anyone," T'Pol says calmly. Trip becomes Ego Trip, taking command and saying, "I'd like to believe you. But you don't exactly have a spotless track record when it comes to being honest with us." Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. "Your point?" T'Pol asks. I thought he just made it. Trip suggests that she may be keeping something from the rest of the crew. Trip gets a call from Cpt. Quantum ordering him to meet Ziggy outside for his next leap. Oh, wait, wrong show. They're going to meet at a clearing. Trip and T'Pol stare each other down. No jelly involved this time.

On the ship, Quantum and Reed are homing in. Outside, the crew is standing in hokey, fake, studio-storm weather. I don't even see any rain. On the ship, Quantum is dealing with a shaky camera and a shaky ship. He's having lots of trouble. We cut between the shaky ship in the sky and the crew waiting for that shaky ship. On the shuttle, Reed and Quantum are freaking out because they're about to crash into something. Oops, there it is. A big rock. They clip a wing on it and decide they might do better to just go away. "We're almost there," Quantum growls. But three seconds later, he's turning the shuttle back around to abandon his crew on what is now revealed to be a less than fantastic planet. "Aren'tcha fergettin' sumthin'?" Trip calls out. Cpt. Quantum says they'll be back later for their corpses, er, for the crew when the weather dies down. "Try to manage 'til then," Quantum says. Then he tells Trip to try to make contact with the aliens if he sees any more of them. Yeah, make some contact. Just make sure we've got a beneficiary on file.

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