Terra Nova

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
Friendship 2 1/2

The three proceed through the passages until Quantum hears muffled cries for help. They all listen, and Muddy Mum says, "It's Akary!" and leads them up some steps to a ledge. Far below, a Mud Morlock lies in a puddle of water, trapped by a fallen tree. I guess that makes it a mud puddle. Heh heh. But hang on a tick -- they have trees growing in the caverns? "He must have fallen when your Sky Ship quaked the tunnels," Chris in the Muddy tells Quantum, and asks Akary if he's hurt. "I'm leg-broke!" Akary calls back. Hey, I'm flat-broke, do you think we're related? What? Come on, this is a really stupid episode, and I have to do what I can to stay awake and drunk. Akary's still talking, I guess: "The wood has me sealed down!" Chris in the Muddy asks Quantum if he'll "risk [his] bones to save a Novan." Quantum says he'll try, but he doesn't think he'll be able to get down the sides of the cave walls. Chris in the Muddy susses out the situation and says, "We'll track together but you'll need to trust me." They find a convenient little path and make their way down until Quantum looses his footing (stupid slick-soled Manolo Blahniks!) and hangs by one hand over the precipice. Chris in the Muddy reaches out to him, and Quantum swings his other arm to meet his hand and is pulled to safety. They finally reach Akary and attempt to pull the log off him. "The water's rising -- we have to hurry!" Chris in the Muddy says, explaining why the puddle that barely dampened Akary's back earlier is suddenly around his ears. They can't shift the log, so Quantum asks for his pistol back. "Why? So you can go free your hostage?" Chris in the Muddy asks. "So I can free this man!" Quantum tells him in his Rising Action Voice. Quantum tells Chris in the Muddy it's his turn to trust him, so the Mud Morlock hands the phase pistol over. Quantum saws the tree in half with a beam and tells Akary to tell him when he starts to feel a slight burning sensation through his middle. Well, not really, I guess. Akary is freed, and they carry him to Reed's cavern. "Captain!" Reed says, struggling to his feet. "How're you holding up?" Quantum asks. "Not bad, all things considered, but I really wouldn't mind getting this bullet out of my leg." And using the powder room, I imagine. "Tell them!" Muddy Mum orders her son, who looks sulky. "Tell them what Archer said about the islands to the south." Chris in the Muddy looks around at his fellow Mud Morlocks and says, "They promised to leave. Let them go. We'll be fine here." Muddy Mum insists, "We're not fine. None of us is fine. We're rotting -- all of us!" Temba, his arms open! Chris in the Muddy pleads with his mother to let the Enterprise people go on their merry way. "I've seen back, Vera Fuller was my mother. That girl in the picture was me. A human girl. Our Go-Befores shared the same path -- we should listen!" Muddy Mum says. Why doesn't she just say, "Because I'm your muddy mother and I say so!"? That's how it worked in my house.

Enterprise dinner table. Mayweather, using chopsticks, is heralding his higher-ups with Unsolved Mysteries, but without Robert Stack's scary voice. "Ever heard of Judge Crater?" he asks. "'Crater'?" T'Pol repeats inquisitively. "Disappeared in the early twentieth century. How about Amelia Earhart?" Mayweather asks. "No," T'Pol tells him, forking up her rabbit food. "Nineteen-thirty-seven," Mayweather says, smugly. "Never found a trace of her. A lot of people spent years -- decades -- trying to figure out what happened to them. But neither of those mysteries holds a candle to Terra Nova, and we solved it!" "You" didn't do anything. You stood outside the cave in the first half, and then you hung around the pod in the second half. I seriously want to know why, if they are so into Earth "ancient" history, they haven't brought up the lost colony of Roanoke as a parallel mystery. Maybe because TPTB don't want to remind their audience that this episode is straight out of Derivative City? Trip says they did better than solve the mystery; they saved the Novans from extinction. "All these years, wondering about that colony. I never thought I'd become a part of their history," Mayweather oozes. Quantum looks at him thoughtfully and says, "Tell you what, Travis, why don't you put together the report for Starfleet? If I'm not mistaken it will be headline news back home." Mayweather looks ecstatic. What a way to get out of doing your homework, Captain. "'The Terra Nova Puzzle: Solved at Last, as told by Ensign Mayweather,'" Trip muses. "Thank you, sir!" Mayweather says joyfully. Quantum nods indulgently. I miss H.G. Wells.

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