Terra Prime (2)

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A | Grade It Now!
Bye, Bye, Trekkie
Baby you're much 2 warped
Little grey space-ship
U need a core that's gonna last

I guess I shoulda closed my eyes
When u took me 2 the place
Where the canon runs free
'cuz I felt a little ill
When I saw all the laptops
Of the writers that were there before me
Believe it or not
I started to worry
I wondered if I had too much fear
But it was Friday night
I guess that makes it all right
And u say, baby, have u got enough beer?

Oh yeah
Little grey space-ship
Baby you're much 2 warped, yes u r
Little grey space-ship
U need 2 find a core that's gonna last
Quantum, u are an ass like I never seen
And the ride...
I say the ride is so smooth
U must be galaxy class

Oh yeah
Little grey space-ship
Baby you're much 2 warped...

As important people on Earth watch, Mayor Tam also tries without success to shut Dr. Evil RoboCreep off. "Find a way to contact Enterprise," he snaps. Dudes, I'd listen to him or he might get mad and ascend.

Enterprise. Dr. Evil RoboCreep promises safe passage to all non-humans if they leave Earth's solar system within the next twenty-four hours. Quantum orders Reed to scan for Vulcan biosigns and get a transporter lock on T'Pol and the baby. On the viewscreen, Dr. Evil RoboCreep drones (without blinking, so you know he's crazier than someone who proclaims himself to be thirty-five percent gay while undressing in front of co-workers) that if any non-humans remain in the system after the deadline, Terryan Nation will "defend the sovereignty of every single human being." And by "defend blah, blah, blah," he means they will destroy Starfleet Command because they are a bunch of spineless pussies who made nice-nice with ugly aliens. Dr. Evil RoboCreep finally shuts up and gets off the viewscreen. Still without blinking. You gotta admire that depth of psychoticism. I think >Demian will stop blinking come November. Reed reports that Enterprise is being targeted by the Frickin' Laser Beam. Quantum orders them out of the way. Enterprise rocks with a blast. Quantum orders them back to Earth, saying, "We'll consider ourselves warned." No, you'll consider yourselves cancelled. You know, I'm such a sap that I can't even say that wholeheartedly snarkily. I'm feeling sad. I may have lost my edge. Oh, wait, I make a really distasteful comment later, so no, I haven't lost my edge. I'm just reeeeeeeally drunk.

Starfleet. Soval and an Andorian Ambassador complain to Mayor Tam about Terryan Nation demonstrations outside their various embassies. Is there flag burning? Bra burning? Atlanta burning? Damn. The Andorian Ambassador bitches that humans can't handle uniting nations if they can't control their own people's prejudices. Mayor Tam looks annoyed enough to eat someone.

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