Terra Prime (2)

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A | Grade It Now!
Bye, Bye, Trekkie

On the ship, Hoshi nods, swallows, and chokes, "Standing by!" with tears in her eyes. Calm down.

Trip goes over to the main controls, and Random Task -- who hasn't been relieved of his gun for some extremely stupid reason -- shoots Trip in the back. The Away Team all immediately fire at Random Task. I want to note here that, due to the excellence of TiVo slow-forward, I can state that PHLOX is the FIRST of ALL of them to fire. Nice reflexes, love -- you've never been a wuss and you've never disappointed us in four years. Phlox and I had a moment.

Anyway, Trip is unconscious and the Frickin' Laser Beam states that they've got ninety seconds to stop her. Firefight. Reed is hit. Quantum manages to shoot a window, which cracks like a spider's web. Nice one. Ass. Quantum yells that the room's depressurizing: "Get Malcolm outta here!" Because Reed can't take the pressure. Heh. Heh. Phlox and May-Auf-Wiedersehen comply. More shootie-bang-bang. Trip's still on the floor. Quantum grabs at his shoulder and Trip pants out instructions. Dr. Evil RoboCreep begins his evil chatter in order to distract Quantum from following Trip's instructions. Quantum, the idiot, allows himself to be distracted as he wildly waves his phaser around. The glass that Quantum shot cracks some more. Dr. Evil RoboCreep talks shit about Quantum's father. Quantum finally manages to abort the firing sequence. Dr. Evil RoboCreep starts extolling the virtues of his own father as Quantum puts his oxygen mask over Trip's mouth. Dr. Evil RoboCreep advances on them. Quantum aims his phaser at him. Dr. Evil RoboCreep wildly and sarcastically throws up his arms and goes on about raping and pillaging alien worlds. Quantum gets in his head waggle and some Words of Wisdom: "That may have worked for the moon but the galaxy's a lot more crowded than we thought." Thanks, buddy -- can you put that in a fortune cookie and then shove it up your ass with all the other stupid speeches you make? More posturing from each of them as the window finally smashes in and Quantum falls to the ground. Man, Quantum really knows how to suck the air out of a room. Dr. Evil RoboCreep rushes over to the Frickin' Laser Beam control panel and starts pushing buttons and pulling levers. "I've been a miner all my life -- you get used to the low oxygen," Dr. Evil RoboCreep explains to us. As Quantum starts to beat up Dr. Evil RoboCreep a little, the Frickin' Laser Beam announces that she'll be ready in thirty seconds. Quantum tries and fails to turn it off. He shoves Dr. Evil RoboCreep onto the controls and holds his phaser to his head. "I've locked the sequence -- you can't stop it from firing," Dr. Evil RoboCreep coughs. The Frickin' Laser Beam counts down to one and fires. Quantum staggers back. "Terra Prime forever," Dr. Evil RoboCreep pants, and collapses on the floor. I thought you were used to low oxygen. Wimp.

On Earth, the sky parts and the laser beam blasts into the San Francisco Bay right next to the Golden Gate Bridge. The water boils up. So that's how all the whales become extinct.

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