The Andorian Incident

Episode Report Card
Keckler: F | Grade It Now!
Scent of a Vulcan

Vulcan holding cell. Quantum continues to wrassle with the still-armed Blueberry guard. I guess Trip must've gotten knocked out for a bit, because he makes the pretense of groggily coming to while Quantum fights the good fight. Finally, the Blue Corn Tortilla Chip breaks away and gets to his feet. He takes aim at Quantum, but Reed, who has leaped into the room, phase-stuns him in the back. Sigh -- my hero. Reed reports that two of the Steel Blues got away into the catacombs. Vulcan Elder prisses up and says, "I hope you're pleased, Captain -- you've turned a place of solitude into a war zone." Quantum ignores him and takes phase pistols out of ATM1's assault valise. Trip's still nursing his one bruise, so Quantum leaves him in charge of the Cobalt Blue guard and tells him to stun him if he wakes up. T'Pol pulls out various catacombing equipment as Quantum says, "Let's go." Hey, isn't that his catchphrase on the bridge? Vulcan the Younger stands up, gun in hand, and says, "I'm going too." Elder Vulcan tries to talk him out of it, saying, "Violence is no longer our way." Vulcan the Younger tells him, "We must protect what is ours," and follows the humans and T'Pol. Love the snappy dialogue. In fact, if I close my eyes, I could almost imagine myself on the set of The West Wing. But if I close my eyes, I might never open them again, since this episode is a better cure for insomnia than hot milk spiked with a handful of benzodiazepines. T'Pol guides them through the catacombs, searching for the remaining Bluebooks. She gets an indication that they are down in the reliquary. Vulcan the Younger tries to stop them: "Only Members of the High Order are allowed inside." Quantum says, "We'll do our best not to look at anything." But Vulcan the Younger stands firm; he will go alone and disarm the Blue's Clues. "You ever use one of those?" Quantum asks him, indicating the weapon. Vulcan the Younger looks uncertain. "I didn't think so," Quantum says. "The Andorians have seen your secret relics, I don't think a couple of humans are going to make much difference." He barrels down the passage; Vulcan the Younger looks mighty uneasy.

In the reliquary, there's relics and candles and dust. The Deep Blue Seas hide; the humans and Vulcans find them. There's some fighting, and stuff gets destroyed. One of the phaser fires dislodges a heavy tapestry behind Quantum. Reed gestures at the Captain to turn around. We can see the circular face of what looks like a very large vault, and Quantum goes to investigate while T'Pol covers him. Quantum opens the big circle and looks in awe. "Hold your fire!" he shouts, "you might want to take a look at this." Reed and the Ultramarine Blues come out of their respective hiding places and look into the light. Quantum steps out onto a ledge and looks into the Galactic Senate scene from Phantom Menace.

"I don't believe this," Quantum mutters as they look at all the technology. So, I'm guessing this is a sensor array? Even T'Pol looks concerned. "Does that thing have imaging sensors?" Quantum shouts at her, indicating her scanning device. Dude, settle down; it's not her fault. T'Pol collects herself and pulls out her tricorder and looks at it, saying blankly, "Yes." Quantum tells her to "take all the pictures [she] can." So they can always remember their trip to P'Jem. A gun is placed against Quantum's neck as Vulcan the Younger asks them to put their weapons down. "I will kill him if necessary," Vulcan the Younger says shakily. You know, why should the Kingfisher Blues care if Quantum gets killed? They're still armed; they can try to kill Vulcan the Younger and not care what happens to Quantum. Vulcan the Younger tells T'Pol to hand over the tricorder, but in one swift move, Quantum whips around and socks Vulcan the Younger in the mouth, knocking him out. "Violence in a sanctuary, Captain?" Reed asks, smiling. "Very disrespectful," Quantum says, "but boy did it feel good." Yeah, 'cause you're a manly man who gets his jollies from beating people up just because they're smarter than you. It's sad to see that bullies get elevated in the future. "All this time, they've been calling these monks liars and all this time they've been right," Quantum says, lecturing T'Pol. Reed comments that all this equipment means they could see the lint in a Deep Blue Something's navel. If that's what they wanted to do. "I've completed my scans," T'Pol says, huskily. Quantum tells her to give them to the Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues. T'Pol starts to reason with him, but he'll have none of it, because he's so omniscient about a centuries-old fight between these two races that he can just make snap judgments about who's right and who's wrong, while at the same time spraying himself liberally with Eau de Holier Than Thou. T'Pol hands the scans over. "You got what you came for, now get outta here," Quantum tells him. "How do we know you won't attack our vessel?" Periwinkle asks. Quantum tells him angrily that the Vulcans violated their treaty, and his people should know about it. "Do you have a problem with that?" Quantum says, turning irritably to T'Pol. T'Pol doesn't answer him, but asks for Reed's communicator and orders Enterprise to allow the Sapphire ship to leave P'Jem unmolested. "We're in your debt," Periwinkle tells Quantum, and leaves. Quantum looks down at Vulcan the Younger and says snidely, "Thanks for the tour." Shut up, Quantum. Reed gives T'Pol a backward look before leaving. T'Pol just stands there.

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