The Augments (3)

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Wrath Of Retcon

Tonight, the Evil Dr. Mathra and I celebrated our Halfway Birthday with bellinis, pizzas from Fly, popcorn, and a host of new New Belgium beer with our awesome friends. We've decided that the only way to get through these Fridays is to make a party out of it and it's been quite successful. Belchimaera, in an effort to make me see the light, brought over the DVD case of the Dune mini-series. She wanted me to see the cover, so I would know that Alec Newman wasn't always Heinous Dias. I'm sorry, but he's still ugly and the only thing the Dune thing does for him is make him look a bit like Robert Patrick.

So, big props go out to Belch, Gytha Ogg, and Mr. Gytha. I don't think I've spent a more hilarious night in a long time and it was a perfect way prolong our birthdays into a two-week celebration. For the record, it took us two hours to get through this episode because we kept pausing it to screech, pop in a tape of Picard doing the mambo, or drink more Frambozen, Trippel, and Sunshine Wheat in order to get Picard doing the mambo out of our heads. We even managed to watch the TNG episode, "Masks," also known in our house as "Rainforest Archaeology," just so the entire room could be familiar with the line, delivery, and nasal tones of "Moussaka is coming," which unfortunately ended up making Belch crave Greek food for the rest of the night.

Phlox announces that the containment breach is imminent. Without a climbing song, Quantum climbs. Once he reaches the primary junction, Reed tells him what to do. It's all about diverting relays. Again. Quantum pushes some buttons and Dr. Lucas announces, "He's isolated this room -- the pathogens can't reach us." "What about the captain?" Reed inquires urgently. What do you think, Reed? He's gonna die, of course. Just like he has about ten times before. One of these days they're going to make good on that promise. I have faith. Dr. Lucas pretty much says the same thing. About the dying, not the faithing.

I don't believe in the no-win scenario except where this song is concerned.

Quantum's got a plan. He tells T'Pol to blow a hole in the hatch of his tube. "Captain, the core will decompress," T'Pol frets. "That's the idea," Quantum bravados. "Stand by for transporter!" I never really noticed the texture of T'Pol's catsuits before -- there are these weird striations on the sides and arms. I think they're ribbed for her pleasure. Quantum bounces oddly in the tube as the pathogens are announced to be worming their way up. "Fire!" he yells at T'Pol. Enterprise fires and Cold Station 12 flushes Quantum down the toilet. Just as he gets into space, Quantum is beamed out. T'Pol confirms that Trip has Quantum on board. On the transporter pad, Trip rushes to his frigid captain's side. I'm not kidding, the guy has been sprayed with Sno-in-a-Can. "And you thought he was stiff before!" Gytha yuks.

On the Bridge of the Klingon ship, Dain'ta glares Mullet out of the captain's chair as they enter Klingon space. Mullet preens that he killed everyone on Cold Station 12, which makes Dain'ta haveth with the righteous anger. "You disobey me again and I'll lock you in the targ pit. You won't see the light of day for a month! Do I make myself clear?" I don't know, is it the La Brea targ pit? Mullet mutters, "Yes. Father," and proceeds to sulk around the Bridge. Something has gone agley in engineering, so Dain'ta orders Mullet off to fix it. "I'm not an engineer," Mullet mewls. "You're a bright boy, Mullet, I'm sure you'll figure it out," Dain'ta thinks. But we've no evidence proving that he would be able to figure it out! I know those big foreheads are supposed to be a sign of big brains, but the only sign I've seen is "Sspace for rent." Mullet snits off. Dain'ta glares.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP