The Catwalk

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Stormship Troopers

All in all, not bad. Thankfully, the writing team of Sussman and Strong were on board for this ride. If they kept them chained to their desks, feeding them only occasionally for every episode they ink, the franchise would be swimming in gold-pressed latinum. Now, if they could only turn their attention to the insipid dialogue...

Quantum logs that they've found yet another uninhabited planet that they can't wait to slap their American flag on. Yawn. Trip babbles about rafting in some canyon that's bigger than the Grand: "T'Pol says it only gets dark four days a month because of the binary suns. We'll have plenny of daylight left after we're dun workin' ev'ry nihte." "There's a controversial theory that our own star system is also a binary system, and that the name of the other star is 'Nemesis,' a.k.a. 'The Death Star.' They think a potential explanation for the global extinction that happens every twenty-six million years is a result of Nemesis coming by Earth," Mathra tells me. Can you see why I married him? Quantum agrees they should have plenty of time for "R&R" after they finish their surveys of the planet. How can you get adequate R&R on a planet that doesn't get dark and therefore doesn't really allow sleep? More than likely, after this R&R, the qrew will come back to the ship totally exhausted because their circadian rhythms are all messed up. They'll need a vacation from their vacation. T'Pol beeps Quantum with an incoming message from an alien ship. "New planet, new aliens -- banner day," Trip comments. Shut up, Trip. Some aliens come on the sh'pod screen and tell Quantum that, "considering the circumstances," they'd like asylum aboard Enterprise ASAP. Quantum asks them what in heck-fire they're jawing about. "The neutronic wavefront -- it's almost here!" the aliens inform them. Is it neutronic wavefront season already? I don't even have my dilithium tires yet. Trip can't find anything on the sensors, but the aliens tell him they won't be able to detect anything for a few more minutes. Because it's a storm that can travel "at high warp." Mathra moves over to allow for Plot Device and his Feather Boa Of A Natural Phenomenon That Can Travel Faster Than Light to sit down. "Once we're aboard, I suggest you go to warp seven, immediately," the alien bosses. May-Back-In-The-Saddle-Again gives Quantum a concerned look from the sh'pod's pilot seat. "Our top speed is warp five," Quantum admits. Someone's face is red!

Mathra shuffles out from under the couch, crumbs and a broken burnt sienna crayon clinging to him, and asks, "Ears? Out of danger?" I tell him soothingly that the theme song has passed. "I never took the Kobayashi Maru test until now, what do you think of my solution?" Mathra coughs out a few dust bunnies.

T'Pol verifies that they are indeed in danger from the wavefront: "A Vulcan vessel encountered a Class Five over a century ago, the vessel was...nearly destroyed." They only have four hours to batten down the hatches and ride it out, but Reed thinks they can reinforce the hull and structural integrity with no problem. Phlox steps in to inform all and sundry that the qrew will still be in mortal danger from the resulting radiation, so they need another solution: "Sickbay is the most heavily shielded section, it's possible some of the crew could survive there." Quantum calculates that not all eighty-three members could fit in there, and he's not about to draw lots. May-Back-To-The-Future is relieved. You know, I think Scott Bakula's been seeing himself in Feria recently -- his hair looks several shades lighter. Trip looks at some e-blueprints and offers up "the catwalk" as a possible fall-out shelter: "You know, the maintenance shaft, running the length of each nacelle." After some verifying technobabble between Phlox, Trip, and himself, Quantum agrees, and tells T'Pol to take charge of the evacuation. Since the catwalk can reach three hundred degrees when the warp coils are online, it's agreed that the main reactor has to be powered down. Plot Device shows us his new Leaving Yourself Vulnerable To All Manner Of Wacky Hijinks boots -- he got them on sale at The Men's Wearhouse. He likes the way he looks.

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