The Council

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
In Sonar, No One Can Hear You. Period.

Sh'pod launches.

On his ship, Degra gives orders to an underling about sending information to Enterprise. The Xindian Personal Golden Girl, also known as St. Spheridian, arrives and tries to woo Degra back to the side of spherituality with lies and empty promises of turning his wife into a pillar of salt. You know, why a pillar? Why not a block? Or a tub? Or a lick? A pillar just seems so weird. Anyway, Degra's not having any of it. "What have we done to lose your faith?" St. Spheridian wonders. "You never DESERVED my FAITH!" Degra spits out. Man, that's four "faiths" this episode -- do you think there's a hidden message? Maybe...UPN and Bermaga are...the Golden Girls Sphere Knitters? Yeah, yeah, and they're trying to destroy the Trek dimension and we, the viewers, are the Xindi! And we've lost our faith in the show! But Trip and Phlox (a.k.a. Connor Trinneer and John Billingsly) have faith in Quantum (who is at times is a.k.a. Scott Bakula) because he's going to save the show! Or, I just have a case of the farts.

Back on Enterprise, Degra bitches to Quantum about how the Golden Girls have manipulated and lied to them for years. When Quantum points out that they have evidence proving something bad about the Golden Girls -- at this point, I don't really know what the evidence is going to prove, or how it would ever convince the Xindi of anything -- Degra goes on about how the Golden Girls saved their Xindi asses from extinction and how all Xindi are raised to practically worship at their trans-dimensional feetses: "I've taught my own children to give thanks to them at the end of each day, that is what we are facing!" "I've stood before a Klingon tribunal, I can handle a tough room," Quantum brags. Ah, but can you handle a TWoP room? Degra points out that Klingons weren't determined to destroy Earth, but then adds that the evidence is strong, so perhaps it will be enough. He insists that they face the Xindi of the Round Table together: "I may take my seat at the Council table, but I'll be at your side, no matter what happens." So he is a member of the Round Table. Hoshi comms that Xindi vessels are approaching. Degra explains, "Humanoids, Arboreals, and Aquatics -- they're with us. When we reach the Council's location, we'll need their protection."

As they walk through the corridors where welding is still going on, Degra explains a bit about their allies and the other Xindi. We get blipverts on all of them, which is...interesting. Three-Toed is a fair-minded scientist who will listen to the facts, and he's a friend of Degra's. Head Aquaman is actually an Aquawoman with a really complicated name and she's a member of the Ibix Dynasty, "a very wealthy, very powerful family." Why does it make me giggle to think of the manatee-like creature as being "wealthy"? Maybe they have lots of chests of gold from all those shipwrecks. Am I being insensitive? Degra goes on that Aquawoman's opinions carry considerable weight, "When she arrives at them. There's a saying, 'It's easier to count the stars in the sky than it is for an Aquatic to reach a decision.'" Yes, and it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven -- WTF? Degra explains that Bug Houses' names grow longer the older they get and are difficult to pronounce. "In many ways, they are the opposite of the Aquamen," Degra continues. "They're quick to take sides," Quantum supplies, "we've run into them." When is he going to mention that he sat on a nest of them and went all broody for an episode? Think about it -- it could be points in his favor. As long as he doesn't mention all the ones Phlox dropped into his soup, of course. This brings Degra to the Snake Eyes and some head slitherpuss named Commander Dolum. "There's a story about him -- I don't know if it's true, but I'd like to believe it isn't. His daughter gave birth to a son [wouldn't she have hatched him?], he had a deformity in his right arm -- not life-threatening but enough to preclude his ever joining the military. Commander Dolum --" "ATE his grandson!" the Evil Dr. Mathra shouts gleefully. "Had his own grandson poisoned," Degra finishes. Oh. Well. Don't get me wrong, that's certainly scary and dark, but after the Evil Dr. Mathra's blurt, it's also sort of tame. I mean, he didn't even do it himself, he had it done? Okay, the guy's ultra-bad, but since he's also reptilian, it would have been cool if the poison came from him biting his grandson. Quantum's not surprised by this revelation, and Degra hastens to remind him that it might just be only a rumor.

Tanning Booth. Dolum lies on a tilted bed with a towel covering his nasty scaly bits. First of all, it's notable that not only do Snake Eyes have genitals in the same area (I assume that's what he's covering up), but they also have the same sense of modesty as humans? Secondly, hasn't anyone told him about the new, safer way to tan? He needs to Mystical Tan and reduce his chances of skin cancer. A Snakeling enters and says they located debris from the ship they sent to find Degra. Dolum lifts his head off the tanning pillow -- ew, it's probably all sweaty now -- and wants to know how it was destroyed. Snakeling kiss-asses that he's already started the investigation, and his preliminary findings show that the ship was destroyed. Another snakeling comms that six Xindi ships are approaching with Enterprise.

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