Enterprise

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Keckler: B+ | 279 USERS: C+
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Enterprise IV: The Trip for T'Pol

The next day, they stand at a high point; B'eastmaster points out something and says, "The Plane of Blood. Some say Surak crossed this expanse when the hot blood of battle still flowed green but with logic, he cooled it." Well, yeah, but did he part the Green Sea? I didn't think so. Ha! Our god-like figures are better than your god-like figures! T'Pol is worried about the reflected heat being too strong for Quantum. "I'll stick to the sand-covered parts," Quantum jokes, I guess. I don't know what the heat is reflecting on, if not the sand, but maybe I'm just stupid. Or maybe Quantum is. Quantum swigs water and offers it to T'Pol, who says, "I won't need water for several more days." So that's what those two humps are for! Quantum's all impressed, but takes off his stylish sunglasses and offers them to T'Pol. "My inner eyelids will protect my vision," T'Pol says. Quantum cocks his head as if to look for the mysterious eyelid. "My species evolved on this planet," T'Pol points out. Quantum's wearing a sweat-soaked black baseball cap. Um, don't any hats other than pith helmets trap the heat on your head? I guess Quantum's species didn't evolve. Period.

The Vulcans walk. Quantum staggers a bit. That baseball cap doesn't even have those holes that some baseball hats have! What a jackass. B'eastmaster doesn't believe Quantum's a true student of Surak, and starts to quiz him on stuff. "What's Kiri-kin-tha's First Law of Metaphysics?" "I'm familiar with Newton's First Law of Motion -- I imagine they're pretty much the same," Quantum says. Okay, is it the heat that's making him so quantifiably STUPID? Because metaphysics and physics AREN'T THE SAME THING! Please don't tell me you can become a Starfleet captain and NOT know that! What a complete tool. Whatever. Oh, and way to totally demean another culture by just assuming that their fundamental teachings are "pretty much the same" as your culture's, which you then get TOTALLY WRONG! How'd he get into Stanford? Jackass. B'eastmaster doesn't think Quantum's been truthful, and Quantum returns the compliment. "Vulcans do not lie," B'eastmaster says, and what in the holy hell is he wearing? Red billowy pantaloons stuffed into knee-high boots like he's right out of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves? And that weird purple satin and leather corset? That can't be logical desert attire. Quantum says he's dealt with the High Command too much to believe that Vulcans don't lie. "The High Command do not follow Surak's true path!" B'eastmaster announces. "No wonder you humans are their allies." B'eastmaster walks away. T'Pol determines that B'eastmaster is a Syrrannite and that he doesn't trust them enough to lead them to the others. Quantum says their only option is the truth. "It may be too late for that! Sandfire!" T'Pol CRACK WHORES. Quantum doofs behind him and sees billows of sand cascading down Surak's true path. Where's the fire?

Enterprise

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