Heeeeeeeere's Keckler!! So, did I scare y'all? I'm pretty sure I made Sars very nervous when she got my "recap." Her response was, "Er...there's a real recap following this, right?" Meanwhile, she was probably calling the local chapter of the Booby Hatch to see if they could admit me on her say-so.
But as you all know, this episode could bore the leggings off a village idiot. People? I drank black tea all day and was incredibly hopped up on Wednesday night and totally ready to start recapping right after Jake 2.0, but as soon as I hit "play" on my VCR remote, this feeling of total lethargy swept over me and made my brain fuzz over. That's the first case for the prosecution. Second is that today, after a morning of rejuvenating yoga and a nice crisp walk home from my lunch meeting in the Castro, I expected to be totally revitalized and ready to recap. But here I sit, cans of Jolt, Red Bull, Diet Coke, and Starbucks Espresso lined up in front of me, and I'm still getting this uncontrollable urge to curl up with Hunca Munca and take a nap. This episode is literally -- not figuratively -- putting me to sleep! I'm like Pavlov's dog: I hear the theme song, and it's drooling and dreaming for me.
Tonight's previews were weird. They promo'd what was happening on Jake 2.0 accurately, and then said, "But first, on Enteprise," and showed at least two snippets of scenes that never appeared in tonight's episode. One was of Quantum in civvies attacking a Snake Eyes in his quarters, and the other was of a near-hysterical T'Pol (yes, again) insisting, "You have to get out of here." I find that very odd.
Throughout this recap, you will find the Top Ten Things More Exciting than this Episode.
Number Ten: Proofreading the Caltrain timetable.
Wow -- previouslies. That's the first time they've done that mid-season. Two weeks ago, Hoshi was stalked, but gained some valuable information about the Xindian Weapon of Ass Destruction as a result. The Evil Dr. Mathra would like to note that "previouslies" is actually "previous" "lies." That's black-turtleneck deep.
In the chamber of the Xindi of the Round Table, a Mr. Man and two Snake Eyes look at a graphic projection of an orb with lots of red buttons. Or zits -- they could be zits. Mr. Man says they are going to test the weapon on an uninhabited planet, and therefore need another shipload of a particular material that I first thought was "kimosabe." In fact every time they mentioned the compound, I really did think they were saying "kimosabe," and UPN didn't give me captions to check against. However, I am sighingly aware that the stuff is something DS9-ers recognize as "kemocite," so don't send me any emails correcting me. Snake Eyes asks how soon the weapon will be operational after testing, and Mr. Man tells him two weeks. How utterly conveeeenient -- it's just in time for sweeps! Which, of course, will be boring.