Enterprise

Episode Report Card
513 USERS: C+
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A Horse! A Horse! My Boredom For A Horse!

A canister arrives on the Enterprise transporter pad (can they transport stuff remotely now?), and T'Pol confirms its receipt to Quantum, who orders an analysis. Back in the woods, Reed and Uh-Oh Hayes talk up the idea of blowing the whole facility to kingdom come. Quantum vetoes that idea as being only a minor twig in the Xindi's Weapons of Ass Destruction path. He wants to know what the kimosabe is for and where it is going. And then he'll set the oil on fire and allow his troops to pillage the local museums for their rare and irreplaceable antiquities, but pretend it's the exact same vase coming out the museum door seventy hundred times.

Mr. Mugato punches out at the weapons plant and commutes home. He walks inside his domed (they're always domed, aren't they?) hut and pours himself a drink. Hey, can I get one of those? Thanks, dude. He stupidly left his front door open, which allows the Away Thream to ambush him. Poor guy, now he gets to be bored to death too. After his Thream has secured the room, Quantum paces in -- all dramatic-like -- stops, positions his feet a comfortable distance apart, and says, "I have some questions for you. Do you use mousse or molding paste in your beard?" Sigh. If only. You know, the one thing that ever cheers me up is cracking on Quantum. Let's give it a go: They do say, Quantum, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this barbeque fork in your head. There! I feel a little bit better.

That iPod commercial really makes me want to dance around my living room. I'm not kidding. It really does. Maybe it's because I have an iPod. Or MAYBE it's because I'm expecting a brand-new computer from Apple in a few days to pay me back for all my patience and suffering! Not only will it be new, but it might be an iBook 900 instead of the design-flawed 800! I still think they're evil, though.

Quantum hasn't really started with the questions yet. Instead, he's moodily pacing around the domed hut, searching for a WOTWW to morose out of. Mr. Mugato decides to ask some questions of his own, like who they are and what they want from him. "Sit down!" Quantum yells, pointing his phaser at him. A man who can be that mean to someone who looks like a stuffed animal is beyond all past, present, future, and temporal-anomaly help.

Reed and Uh-Oh Hayes return to say there's no one else around, and then go to stand watch. For no one. Mr. Mugato and Quantum introduce themselves, and Quantum even goes so far to say he's from Earth. Mr. Mugato has no reaction to that. Clearly, he's already as bored as I am. Quantum demands information on kimosabe, and the upshot is that kimosabe has many applications and Mr. Mugato isn't in the practice of asking his clients why they need the stuff. Quantum gives Mr. Mugato the weather when he asked for the news, as he surely spits all over him in his lunge to inform him of the weapon being created to exterminate Earth. Mr. Mugato is aghast.

Enterprise

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