Two Days And Two Nights

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
Bad Moon Risan

Studio Y2K. Techno beat; unibrowed aliens walking around with tri-breasted aliens. Trip and Reed chat up their individual Risan babes with their exploits from Enterprise. It seems that they are just coming to the end of their "Shuttlepod One" story; Trip recounts the brilliant conclusion, and Reed slurs that it was his idea to light their butts on fire. "Why don'sh yous tell'em abouts the time you saved Enterprise, in your underwears," Reed garbles. Heh. Trip turns to his chick and tells her that he saved the Captain's life. "I thought you were the Captain," Reed's chick says. "We rotate," Trip says, nonchalantly. "He's the captain next week." Shout-out. Reed nods and does a weird and clumsy two-fingered salute. Trip's chick wants to know if they've visited the subterranean gardens yet. Since they haven't gotten lucky yet, which means they haven't left this bar, the two Wild And Crazy Guys have to answer in the negative. "All the plants that grow there are luminescent," Reed's chick says. Plants are simply tarts -- prostitutes for the bees! Trip says, "Mebbe yew could show us." The chicks get up and invite them to follow, which they do because they both have the IQ of a backwards clam. Quick tally: anyone else getting that dum-dum-DUM! feeling? The chicks lead them into the club's wine cellar, explaining that the gardens "are very secluded." They get downstairs, and one of the chicks asks how much starship captains make. Reed and Trip are stymied. "What kind of valuables do you have?" Reed's chick rephrases. The Frat Boys finally catch on, and as Reed scuffs at the ground, Trip says he thinks there's been a misunderstanding. The chicks look at each other and morph into really ugly aliens. More effective than a cold shower, that is. Trip and Reed jump and grab at each other. Connor Trinneer's reaction is really quite priceless. In fact, I rewound it several times. Just for that, I think he's growing on me. Conversely, after this episode and all the T'Pol Bum talk, Reed can just take his Pinky Tuscadero L'Oreal lipstick and become a Trappist monk for all I care. Eh, I'll just hand him off to lis. Although I think her love has begun to sicken and decay, as well. Oh, Reed, most choice forsaken, and most lov'd despis'd! Have I mentioned that I'm proofreading the next Bartlett's Famous Quotations?

"There's definitely been a misunderstanding," Reed says as he and Trip turn to run upstairs. The aliens grab them, toss them to the floor, and pull phasers on them. I started thinking how weird it is when you compare how similar Trek aliens look to Buffy/Angel demons. They search the disillusioned Horny Boys and find nothing. During the searching process, Trip gasps, "I hope this isn't their mating ritual!" The aliens divine that they could have valuables back in their rooms, but they think that might be too risky and will settle for selling their clothes instead. "Do that! Do that! Sell their clothes!" Mathra bounces on the futon. Trip thinks they can make some kind of a deal with the aliens, but gets them both phasered into unconsciousness for opening his big mouth. Now they're in the soup.

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