Enterprise

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B- | 328 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
I'm Sorry, Trip, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That

Drone. As the ship sparks and crashes around them, Trip comments, "You did all this with one phase pistol?" "You're good at building things, I'm good at blowing them up," Reed duhs. The dialogue on this show was never very good, was it? Trip quickly figures out that if they can get to the transceivers on the outside hull, they might be able to hook them up to their comms and give Enterprise a ring. Good to see that Trip's all over his brush with intense radiation.

In Romuluerque, Val-dor-EE intimates that as soon as the drone self-repairs, he's going to set the ship to self-destruct. I wonder how HAL is going to feel about that.

Enterprise. T'Pol walks into Quantum's Ready Room and comments, "Updating your will?" Yes, it's his Last Furrow and Testament. In a long way of explaining things, Quantum decides (AGAIN!) that logic dictates that he must be the one to throw himself in the path of death and destruction. We KNOW he's not going to die, so can we PLEASE just skip the self-sacrificial, holier-than-thou, furrow crap and GET ON WITH IT?! Quantum is giddy at the chance to make an alliance of planets. T'Pol grabs at him and says, "The Vulcans have a saying: 'One man can summon the future.' What happens if that man throws away his life before his time?" First of all, barf. Second of all, Quantum doesn't summon the future, Daniels does. Finally, deja-"Mirror, Mirror" anyone? Sure, Evil Spock had a more pessimistic take on it, but still. Quantum preens, "If I've learned anything these past few years on Enterprise it's that the future isn't fixed." Except when you get cancelled. "What if something happens to you?" T'Pol CRACK WHORES. Oh, get OVER it, he's begged Death to honor his furrowed brow so many times, and now facing Shran? This is the least dangerous time of all!

May-I-Need-Unisom haunts the Bridge because he's too wired to sleep. Thinking about the captain getting killed wires him up? Yeah, okay, I could see that. Hoshi snaps that she thinks it's barbaric and reveals that she's intently reading the code of the Yu-Xiang Chicken, looking for a loophole. May-I-Need-Nytol offers to help.

In the Mess a few hours later, May-Now-I'm-Caffeinated hands over an e-pad, announcing that a combatant can postpone a duel indefinitely if there are no children to continue his clan. Hoshi shoots it down because the rule only applies if Quantum is married. Quick -- get T'Pol a veil and something old, new, borrowed, and green! Finally, May-Remember-When-I-Was-A-Boomer?-Yeah-That-Was-Cool remembers his father fighting a duel on Nobelia Prime and starts grabbing at all the e-pads, looking for the rules of combat. Now, is Nobelia Prime the one with the three-shouldered chicks? Oh, no, that was Draylax.

Enterprise

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