Enterprise
United (2)

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I'm Sorry, Trip, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That

The phaser finally explodes and creates a fissure down part of the drone ship. Reed and Trip run from the explosion. On San Romtonio, The Gimp stops twiddling his fingers. "We've lost contact," 2nd Romnana announces.

Enterprise. Hoshi explains that the Tellarite will be fighting a duel to the death in an Andorian tradition called Yushann. Oooh, Yu-Xiang chicken? I could so go for that right now. T'Pol presents Quantum with a large object that looks like a single-blade mezzaluna with lots of fripperies and furbelows. I'll bet that thing could mince more than herbs. T'Pol says that the mezzaluna is an ice-mining tool that Andorian children play with. Why does very other alien race's youth make human kids look like complete wimps? I mean, Andorians play with deadly objects, Vulcans cuddle live teddy bears with fangs and claws, and Worf killed a kid with his forehead. Quantum tells them that Wilbur isn't going to let his man Pigfry fight. "The Andorians will consider that a further insult," T'Pol predicts. Quantum wants to know what else they know about the Andorian tradition of fighting with ice picks.

Quantum visits Shran as the Andorian sharpens Ol' Betsy and tries to make him see the moral hill that Quantum is always king of. Quantum cites the Right of Substitution in the Yu-Xiang Chicken rules, and grins that he'll be fighting Shran: "You're gonna have to fight me." "I'm going to have to kill you," Shran says, once again becoming my (sigh) hero. In spite of all this (or perhaps because all this), Shran won't call off the duel.

Drone. As the ship sparks and crashes around them, Trip comments, "You did all this with one phase pistol?" "You're good at building things, I'm good at blowing them up," Reed duhs. The dialogue on this show was never very good, was it? Trip quickly figures out that if they can get to the transceivers on the outside hull, they might be able to hook them up to their comms and give Enterprise a ring. Good to see that Trip's all over his brush with intense radiation.

In Romuluerque, Val-dor-EE intimates that as soon as the drone self-repairs, he's going to set the ship to self-destruct. I wonder how HAL is going to feel about that.

Enterprise. T'Pol walks into Quantum's Ready Room and comments, "Updating your will?" Yes, it's his Last Furrow and Testament. In a long way of explaining things, Quantum decides (AGAIN!) that logic dictates that he must be the one to throw himself in the path of death and destruction. We KNOW he's not going to die, so can we PLEASE just skip the self-sacrificial, holier-than-thou, furrow crap and GET ON WITH IT?! Quantum is giddy at the chance to make an alliance of planets. T'Pol grabs at him and says, "The Vulcans have a saying: 'One man can summon the future.' What happens if that man throws away his life before his time?" First of all, barf. Second of all, Quantum doesn't summon the future, Daniels does. Finally, deja-"Mirror, Mirror" anyone? Sure, Evil Spock had a more pessimistic take on it, but still. Quantum preens, "If I've learned anything these past few years on Enterprise it's that the future isn't fixed." Except when you get cancelled. "What if something happens to you?" T'Pol CRACK WHORES. Oh, get OVER it, he's begged Death to honor his furrowed brow so many times, and now facing Shran? This is the least dangerous time of all!

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Enterprise

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