The One With The Salamander Sex
Paris grips himself in pain, and the Doctor realizes that his lymphatic system is collapsing. Time to increase the radiation. "Pepperoni!" Paris suddenly shouts. "God, I'd love a pepperoni pizza with Kavarian olives right now!" Radiation treatment sure brings out funny cravings. The Doctor tells Kes that Paris's lifesigns are critical, and orders maximum radiation. "Oh, kiss me," Paris moans. I don't think that's in the Doctor's program either. Paris clarifies that he wants Kes to kiss him before he dies. Kes looks a bit sickened, but luckily, she can't breathe the atmosphere in the examination theater. "Consider it a last request," Paris pleads. "Sorry, Tom, but if we let down the forcefield you'll suffocate," Kes hedges. Yeah, yeah, it's not that you look like a disgusting, sweaty, heaving nematode, it's that you'll suffocate! Paris descends once more into grandiose self-pity as he realizes that he's dying for reals this time, and asks them to call Starfleet HQ after he's gone and let his dad know that he did the whole infinite velocity thing. Paris passes out and can't be recovered. The Doctor proclaims him dead. After the air in the examination theater is returned to normal, Kes walks over and kisses Paris. Let it be noted that she kissed the dead guy on the cheek, not the lips. I don't know why that's important, but I'm sure it shows that Kes's sympathy and grief will only go so far with a phage-y Paris.
That night -- although it could actually be day; never can tell on these space shows -- the Doctor finishes some work in the darkened Sickbay. He hears some creepy scrabbling and goes to investigate. It sort of sounds like water drizzling on a plastic tarp. He walks up to Paris's covered body and pulls back the sheet. Paris gasps. Okay, if he was just covered by a sheet and not actually bagged, what was making that noise? Just his breathing? I don't think so. "You're alive!" the Doctor gasps. Paris unclenches one hand (and it makes that scrabbling noise as it flexes, which is really gruesome) and clutches at his hair. He pulls his hand away. His hair comes out in lumps. If he goes all Poltergeist on me and starts clawing off his face in big fleshy lumps, I'm leaving. Paris wants to know what's happening to him. Never one to take a return to life lightly, the Doctor analyzes him and determines that not only are all his organs functioning normally, but that he has gained another one. He now has two hearts. Two hearts beat as one...Can't! Stop! The dance! Honey, this is my last chance! I said, Can't! Stop! The dance! You know, after Buffy, Angel, and Charmed, I can't say that's much of a "dun."