The One With The Salamander Sex
The security team beams down and shines their flashlights at Parisite and Janeworm, who squirm up on their stubby front legs and look as concerned as two salamanders crossed with catfish and slugs can look in this situation. Either Parisite or Janeworm humps its slow R.O.U.S. way forward before getting stunned. It's hard to tell if the other catfish-slug really reacts to this before getting stunned itself. So, all this? This is supposed to be evolution? Call me crazy, but it looks like a whole lot of devolving to me. Seriously? If they're all evolved and shit, why were they stupid enough to get stunned? Futhermore, if their brains are big and complex, why are they wobbling around in slime? Why aren't they out using those big brains to write sonnets or cancer cures or code? Their leg things are so stubby, they can't even, like, stand upright. Or pick things up. Or really do much of anything except have sex.
Chakotay and Tuvok crouch down and take some scans. Chakotay: "There are traces of human DNA -- it's them. But I have to admit, I'm not sure which one is the captain." Well, that's easy, she's the one with the four rank pips. "The female one, bbviously," Tuvok states, bored. Okay, so which of you is volunteering to roll them over and check that shit out? Suddenly, in a pit between the two salamander-slug-catfish Starfleet officers, baby salamander-slug-catfish things poke their heads out. Yep, they mated. They had some flop-sex, Janeworm was pregnant, and she gave birth. To a slug litter. The babies CGI their way into the pond and swim off. "I...don't know how I'm going to enter this into the log," Chakotay states. "I look forward to reading it," Tuvok comments.
Chakotay logs that they decided to leave the babies on the planet, and that Parisite and Janeworm are devolving under the Doctor's tender ministrations.
Sickbay. Janeworm is back to normal, and while she sits in an examination gown, staring malevolently at something in Sickbay, the Doctor tells her that he's eradicated all traces of the mutant DNA from her system. "Congratulations, you're human again," the Doctor announces. Janeway thanks him. The Doctor wants Janeway to stay in Sickbay for the next three days for observation. Janeway nods and excuses herself abruptly.