The One With The Salamander Sex
Janeway walks over to Paris, who quickly sits up on his medi-bed and clears his throat uncomfortably. "I've thought about having children, but I must say I never considered having them with you," Janeway begins. What a bizarre way to categorize the whole event of salamander sex. Paris gets all uncomfortable, apologizes, and says he doesn't remember very much about..."you know." Janeway raises an eyebrow and asks, "What makes you think it was your idea?" Oh, I don't know, the fact that Parisite attacked and dragged Janeway to the planet in the first place? Settling herself on a medi-bed, Janeway says archly, "Sometimes it's the female of the species that initiates mating." Is the female of the species trying to initiate mating now? Janeway accepts Paris's apology and tells him she's putting him in for a commendation. The salamander sex was that good, huh? I wonder if I should read anything into the fact that Janeway sort of turned into her animal guide from "The Cloud." Maybe she just has a very reptilian energy. "Regardless of the outcome, you did make the first transwarp flight," Janeway adds. Paris thanks her, but still seems uncomfortable. "I guess this whole experience has left me feeling a little overwhelmed -- flying at warp ten, evolving into a new life-form, mating, and having alien offspring..." Janeway admits that he's broken more than one record. Including with her personally. Multiple records. "Breaking the threshold...it was incredible, but somehow it doesn't mean as much as I thought it would. I guess I went into this looking for a quick fix." Paris thought flying at warp ten would change his reputation. It did. Instead of seeing you just as an ex-con, they now all think you're a horny salamander who THREW UP HIS TONGUE. Janeway assures him that he's changed quite a few minds on the ship: "You've earned a lot of people's respect and admiration." As well as disgust and revulsion. "Yeah," Paris admits, "but I'm starting to realize that it's not other people's opinions I should be worried about. It's mine." Great. It took the guy walking in a salamander's shoes to grow up. But we're not done with the cheesy lines -- not by a long shot -- as Paris adds, "It seems, Captain, that I still have a few barriers to break. I just hope they're not theoretical impossibilities." Do you know what is a theoretical impossibility? THIS FREAKIN' EPISODE! "Somehow, I don't think they will be," Janeway says. Uff -- would anyone mind if I threw up my tongue now?