Date Night

Episode Report Card
admin: C | Grade It Now!
Don't Date Big Girls

So I took it too far and got slapped by my fellow recapper, the gorgeous and talented Pamie. Right in the face. Officially, I will never mention the awful "Superhero" song again. I've learned my lesson. Not a lot happened in this episode -- I mean, it's notable even for this show -- so I don't think this is going to be a very long recap.

Eric wakes up to Ari yelling at him on the phone to wake the fuck up, it's game day. Which is better than my day today, because I woke up to a phone call that Julia Child finally died. Ari tells him the movie has already opened on the East Coast, and calls him "Cunty." The phone rings immediately after Eric hangs up, so of course it's not Ari, so of course Eric answers the phone rudely, so of course it's Emily. She's driving toward the house with one bathroom right now. Eric runs around and gargles and dresses himself, kind of, and it's kind of like everything in this episode is not actually happening, but what was supposed to happen. There's no spark. It's like an Aaron Sorkin show without the Sorkin Factor: just some stuff that happened. Like a story you'd tell someone in your entourage: "Then Eric jumps out of bed and gargles."

Emily drives up, and because she's quite a hipster, for living five months ago, she's listening to Franz Ferdinand. Emily tells Eric that Ari is really freaking about the movie, and he always does this when his clients have big releases. She's brought a box of fan mail. Her job is mostly boxes, it seems. Small girl for a job that's 90 percent carrying boxes of crap. There's some lame small talk about how Eric called the psychic hotline and found out that Vince's moons are all aligned, so he's not worried, and when she asks about his own moons, he says he was too cheap to ask. No, Emily. The truth is that Eric doesn't have any moons. Actually, the real truth is that Vince doesn't have any moons, so Eric gave him his own moons and everybody just pretends that they're Vince's moons but if Eric weren't there, Vince would be moonless. It's a metaphor. Anyway, they giggle. Did they always have this total lack of chemistry?

Does the entourage have any plans for tonight? Eric explains that Vince doesn't want to make a big deal, which Emily finds pleasantly surprising, because most of Ari's clients do crazy stuff, which we mostly don't hear about. One guy, though, bought three million dollars worth of tickets to his own movie so that it would open at #1. She won't tell him who, but she can say that the actor in question was in Ocean's Eleven. Bernie Mac? I think it's George Clooney, because that seems like a very Clooney thing to do. I'm sure there's a joke here that I'm not cool enough for. Eric is, though, and he figures it out. A light bulb goes off over his head, illuminating a big sign that says, "Hollywood Insider Joke-Getter." She wishes him luck and leaves. At the last second she asks him out for dinner that night. Which is dumb, because you know how Vince is, and how Hollywood stars supposedly are, so you know that he's going to need Eric by his side. But whatever. She looks really cute in this scene, and her hair's not yet pissed off at her like it will be later. Eric turns off the light bulb -- no more thinking! -- and asks if she came all the way out there just for that. She points out that she could have just sent a messenger with the box. But then what would she be doing all day?

All is still quiet on the kitchen front. The only problem is that Vince and Turtle are awake and kind of tooling around in there, which is surprising considering that Eric woke up moments ago and is the only partial adult in the whole household. Well, if Turtle got up first I don't imagine he'd do much to let the others stay in bed. He's kind of needy. And rude. And inconsiderate. But it still doesn't make sense. Eric's all smiley, and since they've never seen this before, they ask what's up. He's a little cryptic -- see, even he knows the whole date for tonight is bad. None of them can work the coffee maker except Drama, who is...indisposed. Turtle posits that he must have "ordered in late" last night, because Drama and his date kept Turtle awake until like four and it "sounded like two baboons fucking." Which it at least half was. Vince starts yelling about how Drama needs to get up because he's getting hungry.

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