Jeremy Piven's name, to loud squeals and applause, appears over a tattoo parlor with zebra stripes painted on. He plays Vince's sneaky-snaky, rage-addicted, almost Shakespearean, almost insulting manager/agent named Ari Jacobs. "Ari," I happen to know, means "lion" in Hebrew. "Jacobs," I also happen to know, means "Sleazy McJew, but that's okay because there are tons of Jewish managers in Hollywood, and most of them are assholes, so the Venn diagram our lawyer drew us says we can call him Sleazy McJew because it does not mean that since some birds are irrefutably black then all blackbirds are Jewish, or whatever. Our lawyer is also Jewish, so it's fucking fine." In this context, anyway, that's what it means. Crazy language, Hebrew. But I'm not complaining, because this is Piven we're talking about. And how does he do? He is awesome. He brings the Full Piven and he brings the drama and the anger and it is good. But I don't know what that has to do with tattoos, so I'm calling this round of "Explain the Credits" a bust. (Screech is represented by a diamond shape because he's played by Dustin Diamond, okay?)
The opening credits stubbornly refuse to end. Lots of jarring jumping around of the camera and I get a little Casino-related flashback trauma. People waiting in lines! Traffic lights! Buildings, with walls holding up their rooftops! A palm tree! A bunch of places that might not be completely random if you have ever been to L.A.! Which I have not! Their car says "Continental" on it. I don't know what that means, I don't even know how to drive, but I assume it's some kind of pimpin' luxury Lincoln. Which is about right. But, so starter jackets! A backwards mesh cap! The Grauman's fucking place with the stars on the sidewalk where at this point I feel like I've actually been, even though the closest I've been to there is the San Diego Zoo. It's all just so Los Angeles. Especially the trucker hats. Maybe we'll see a pashmina in the next scene, to prove how hip we all are to the fashions of current-day, bleeding-edge L.A. culture. The Funky Bunch arrive at their destination, which is an unattended valet station outside...somewhere that didn't sign a release, I guess. Could be anywhere. Fisher and Diaz, maybe, or West Beverly. Maybe it's CTU. Maybe that's why it's top secret. As Turtle slows and parks the car, the name of the show fakely reflects off the car's windscreen, sliding up and glowing like a message from beyond, and it's kind of cool. I don't know if it means anything. I don't know if anything means anything, actually, because it's HBO. I do know it implies there's a sign somewhere in Hollywood that reads "egaruotnE," though, because: Physics.