Vince points out that "E" ("E" is for Eric) is "in recovery," somehow, and Kevin says that "E" fell off the wagon. Kevin puts "E" on blast about having called some girl named Kristen, and Vince reacts like he said Kim Il Jong. Kevin pushes the HBO envelope by inventing a brand-new, never-before-seen conundrum that perfectly describes the central breakup problem: if the boys call this "Kristen" a bitch, and then they get back together, Eric might be mad at them for talking smack about his former ex. You know what's funny about that, though? As much as people on every TV show in the universe discusses this possibility, it's very rarely brought to fruition. It's just this terrifying, brotherhood-destroying scenario that hangs over their laddish heads like the threat of nuclear cataclysm. Like walking in on each other naked. So in order to resolve this Schrodinger's Girlfriend existential crisis, Eric declares it over, everybody yells that she's a bitch, Eric allows as how she's a bitch, and everybody cheers. They raise beers and go "woo!" and slug back beer, okay? "She's a bitch! Yeah!" Like October Sky, but with misogyny. Lame, first of all, and a very wounded masculinity sort of circling of the wagons, but also? Who talks like this? About these obvious, clichéd things? People who've seen it on TV, that's who. Not actual people having actual conversations that they are invested in. And who needs this kind of crap support from their friends anyway? I wouldn't let someone I was dating within ten miles of this Turtle person, for fear I'd be inalterably tainted in the eyes of my beloved. Or eventually called as a character witness.
Heading to the premiere in a black limousine, we drive by actual Sephora. "How's my head?" asks Kevin. Huh? "You look fine, [Kevin]," Vince sweetly assures him. Everyone kind of watches him, because he's very nervous, but Turtle needs it explained that Kevin is very nervous because he's also in the movie -- which Turtle forgot. Turtle kindly asks him to say his line again, and it's very nice of the boys to be so solicitous about what's clearly a big deal for Kevin and an itsy-bitsy deal for everyone else in the world: "Give us your line again?" They're only about 15 percent making fun of him, which is better than their average, as he straightens his posture, shoots his metaphorical thespian cuffs, and grits out, "I'm outta here, motherfuckers!" The crowd goes wild, and they scream their encouragement. It's a little sad, but at least everyone's putting a nice face on it. It makes me glad Joan Cusack rocks so fucking hard, you know? And again, Kevin asks about "the head," and I'm still unsure what we're talking about. Adding to my confusion, he is reassured by Eric's protestations that the head is "thick." What the fuck is going on? Oh. His hair. Man, this guy is a mess. "That Rogaine, that shit's liquid gold, baby," he says. Okay, I get what they're doing here, and apart from the clunky dialogue I'm actually pretty impressed. Kevin's actually acting like an insecure Hollywood casualty, and they've put some thought into his character, and it's cool. I'm starting to get into this show now. At first I thought it was all about the conflict between Ari and Eric, but there's a smarter issue here: protecting Kevin from Vince's fame has gotta be, like, a full-time, around-the-clock kind of deal.