Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
I [HEART]...the HELL?

Don't sweat it, though, quoth Turtle, because he gave her a pair of Vince's jeans. This is icky. Vince comes into the room and Eric, good boy that he is, immediately starts in with telling Vince to read the Matterhorn script, because "Ari's going nuts." Vince is like, "I know, he just called." Eric and Vince have a conversation where Eric tries to avoid Vince simply handing him his entire brain for good, but to no avail. If Eric didn't like it, Vince reasons, "Fuck it then. What do I gotta read it for?" Eric half-heartedly tries to put forth the idea that Vince will bring something unique to his reading of the script, but we and Vince both know that is not true. And frankly, so does Eric. Kevin wonders whether Eric noticed any parts he might be able to play while reading it. Everybody ignores him. Of course. "What you like, I like," explains Vince. "I mean, look at last night." I start to get really creeped out by that because I assume it has to do with the sibling tramps or something. Vince makes his way across the kitchen to Turtle and they bop fists, cementing my terror and disgust. "I think we got a hit." What the hell? Did I...oh, they're talking about the Jessica Alba movie. You know, my brain doesn't normally go to a place like that. Like, automatically. I think it's my brain trying to fill in the blanks as far as what was here before Brenda Hampton or whatever drooling, boring moron got ahold of the script in which things actually, you know, happened. This is the pilot, people. Something should have happened by now. Something compelling, or interesting, or hardcore, or...I don't know. Something where people talked and moved around in front of a camera and it was entertaining.

So there is a long, lame conversation in which we find out the totally unsurprising fact that Vince never read the script for Head On (nor, we assume, the cast with whom he'd be working), but simply relied upon Eric's good judgment. Eric has the humility to pretend to be shocked. Vince asks Eric to call and cancel the meeting with the French director of Matterhorn, and as a gritty realist touch, notes that the meeting is "at Warner's." So they really are in Hollywood, I guess. Eric wonders aloud why Vince would agree to meet the director without first reading the script, which is kind of like a lie, in that it's neither an interrogative (neither he nor we care for further elaboration) nor a rhetorical (because we already know) question. So Vince lies right back and says that at the time he let Ari schedule the meeting, he assumed he'd read the script. There's so much business going on here. People moving around the kitchen, eating, cooking, Vince popping some kind of pain reliever, Eric wandering around with a plate, people without food talking with their mouths full, people with food ignoring it...I'm exhausted. Although it might not, in truth, be solely the breakfast movements that are making me tired.

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