Entourage
Entourage

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
I [HEART]...the HELL?

Don't blink or you'll miss Mark Wahlberg's cameo. Shit. I blinked. Apparently, though, Marky Mark -- walking with an entourage of his own -- calls out the information that he and Turtle are somehow involved in, I think, the drug trade, and that he and Kevin play golf together. This. Is. Retarded. Marky Mark never stops moving and does the entire scene rapidly over his left shoulder while talking on a cell phone. I bet that was his idea. ["It's also a semi-rip-off of Sly Stallone's cameo in Staying Alive. Weak, Wahlberg. Weeeeak." -- Sars] Sadly, Kevin invents an acting job he's working on but says he'll manage to fit Marky Mark into his schedule. He was basically a blur here, but you know, he's still pretty good-looking, old Mark. They tool around outside like little bitches while Vince meets the French director. Who he didn't like. Back at the giant echoing house with just one bathroom, they talk about it some more and blast the French. Kevin blasts directors, which is understandable, for him. Vince didn't like how the French director kept "asking him questions" and notes that the French director, who is French, didn't even see his last two movies. There's a tiny dustup about how it's hypocritical to bitch about this since Vince didn't even read the script of the French director. I wish we'd seen that scene where they met, because I bet there was wine, and some, like French, cheeses and baguettes and croissants and French fries and French's mustard, and Frenchie was there too, because I am not in any way exaggerating how French they need us to know this guy really was. The French guy, I mean.

Vince's cell phone rings in the middle of some kind of ass-kissing from somebody -- Turtle, I think. We already know it's Ari, because the whole rest of the show is here onscreen, but it's exciting anyhow, because Ari's the only good thing about this show. Ari "got some feedback from the Frog director," and as Vince begins to apologize, tells him that the French director loved him and "they want to wrap you up in a scarf and give you a baguette" and "throw four million at you" and meanwhile, Vince is kind of gross as he overtly mouths, "They loved me," to the Funky Bunch, who are literally standing with their mouths agape, waiting for the news. Yeah, because directors always call in the time it takes you to drive home from "Warner's." Not like they have to meet with seventeen producer tools first. "Can you hear me smiling? Listen," and the Piven is adorable as he chatters his choppers into the phone. Cut to Vince, and the Piven is...less adorable as he notifies him that Vince has got his "balls tingling, man." Ew. But then immediately he's back on my Hot List (R.I.P. Jim Mullen: Don't let the poorly-constructed and unfunny punchline hit your arthritic sciatica on the way out, Granddad) as he screams into traffic (and Vince's ear), "They drive that way in Tiananmen Square, bitch?" I don't know why it's funny, and really it isn't, but...it's Piven, man. The reason for the season. The Funky Bunch loses their funky lunch when they hear about the four million, and Vince asks "E" for his advice, which is still? Read the script. The others totally scoff at this.

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Entourage

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