Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
I [HEART]...the HELL?

The phone rings. Guess who? Right. Guess why? Nope, Piven's locked in for the full season. Vince hands the phone over to Eric because he [HEARTS] accountability. "I'd like to talk to Vince." "Yeah? He'd like you to talk to me." So Ari [HEARTS] some pretty powerful rage here and almost throws his phone and almost eats his phone and almost drives over to the House without Bathrooms to shove his phone up Eric's ass. But then he realizes that he can do that from his car. "Okay, player, tell him Colin Farrell took Matterhorn," he spits, and hangs up. And then screams "FUCK YOU" at his hung-up phone and it's very stressful to watch. And also awesome, never mind the fact that basically what we're saying here is that Colin Farrell was offered this part after Vince. And yeah, probably sixteen years ago when this pilot was made to the tunes of K.C. and the Sunshine Band and like, Heart, Colin Farrell might have been up-and-coming or on the level of Vince Chase or thereabouts. But now? Just another example of how nothing makes sense in this life. Eric tells the group his news. Kevin stupidly says that Colin Farrell is a good actor. Vince hopes that "Pizza Boy" knows what he's doing. Blame Janace Tashjian, because she's the first name you see in the credits. Because this is over, which is lucky, because I am so over it. Keep in mind, however, that Piven rules, Eric is pretty cool if you shade your eyes from the glow of his halo, and Vince can always get better. Plus, Sarah Silverman in a couple of weeks. Always good. In summary, let's just say right now that we're in this together, and I can't do it without you.

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