Talk Show

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Things Get Better!

Drama tries to get Turtle to eat his dog-shit-smelling Mystery Tofu Spirulina Breakfast Food. When Vince enters demanding to know what the smell is, Drama gets huffy and throws away the Mystery Spirulina Food. Everyone is being very well-behaved and sitting still during this kitchen scene, so I guess the angel dust from last week has been flushed from the ducts. Vince shakes Froot Loops in his hand like they are dice, but that's the only problem. Eric continues to be all on Vince's jock about preparation for the show. Vince heads out in to left field and says that this is actually a "Kristen issue," and all the guys start giving Eric hell about it even though that makes no sense. The fact is floated that Kristen is going to be picking up some of her stuff from Eric's pool house. Turtle suggests that Eric throw all of her belongings in the garbage and tell her to fuck off, and Vince agrees, saying that if she comes to the house, Eric will be out of commission for two weeks. And then Vince will have no brain or anything for two weeks and will lie in the corner for two weeks, all "cut strings, legs twitching." Eric explains that he will not be doing that, because it could dirty up his halo, and Turtle says that actually it's because even though they are broken up, Eric's still "pussy-whipped." Don't you love that phrase? I love how it only gets used when the boy doesn't do what you want him to, so you pretend that the girl is responsible, and that somehow calls his masculinity -- and not your own -- into question. You won't do what I want, therefore your girlfriend is in control. Boys only say "pussy-whipped" when their own is getting jealous. Eric's like, "You guys don't know dick," and I actually just assume the camera is going to swing around to Drama, since the last two weeks keep joking about how he's totally knowledgeable about dick.

Eric and Turtle share a look of disgust and disdain when Vince gives his half-comprehensible theory that breaking up is wrong, because it's hurtful, and you should just let things drag on forever. I have no idea what I'm supposed to think about Vince, because there's nothing there and the guys continually give contradicting responses to his meaningless words. Maybe it's at this point that Drama says that Kimmel is an asshole. He says it in every scene, so I might have forgotten to mention that. Kimmel just let him drift away without so much as a goodbye, just like Vince does with girls. Then they have a weird conversation about how Vince never broke up with anybody, just started screwing around on them, and how does he get away with it? It's a mystery. I think it's star quality.

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