The Review

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Meet Emily

Turtle tells Eric they are looking at house listings, and when asked what is wrong with the one they have now, Turtle takes a sharp swerve around "there's only one bathroom, idiot" and careens right into "The car's too nice for our place," so now they have to step it up a level. Which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard, which means it's either one of those Entourage things or this was actually said at some point by a friend of Marky Mark's. Vince shows Eric's lips one listing in particular that is $10 million. "That's hot." I mean, "Gross." "Yeah, but it's nice," Vince grins at the lips. The outdoor lighting in this scene makes me think Adrian Grenier is probably better-looking on film than in real life, because he's totally freaking me out here. Everything's pointy and jagged and mean-looking even though he's being friendly and trying to show the lips a good time. I think in real life sometimes Adrian Grenier is kind of scary-looking. Startling. Turtle tells us that Black Hack Tino says that "money's real cheap right now" and Eric points out that Turtle is talking out of his ass. The sad thing is, though, that he is in fact talking out of someone else's ass, a drug dealer who may or may not even exist. Vince looks adoringly across the table and then bad-actor-anticipates the very next thing that's going to happen: some lady's hand across his eyes with that flirty girly Guess Who bullshit I hate. He reaches back and puts his hands every possible place you can find on this girl. It doesn't take long because she's quite small. He guesses "Edward James Allmus" as his hands continue to roam. "Yeah, right, you didn't even say his name right!" laughs the girl, who reveals herself to be...Jessica Alba. Well. Fucking great.

I love how she corrected him, like she's so reminiscent of Edward James Olmos that it happens all the time. She's got Starbucks and blonde hair in those well-moisturized Britney (Spears, not Chipmunk) lank-locks. She looks, as always, incredibly gorgeous and incredibly like a harbinger of bad things to come. She immediately launches into commiseration about the Variety thing, and then Ari shows up and screams at her and then hugs her. Just kidding, he only does that to Eric. Jessica Alba is...let me first say that I've not seen a lot of her acting. There was Idle Hands and then this one episode of Dark Angel where there was this guy who was, like, a dog. Like a regular guy, in a regular guy sweater, but with a dog's face. Surely she's been in other shows or movies? How mysterious. I know I've seen her somewhere else. I won't check imdb.com because that would defeat the purpose.

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