We begin with a yoga class. Great, this should be full of clever funny jokes about L.A. that we've all seen done a million times. Can't fucking wait. It's not that I don't think the show has nothing interesting or funny or original to say about L.A. so much as I know that it will refuse to do so. Jokes you've already heard eight times are always safer. And isn't that the point of HBO? We pan across Drama on an elliptical, Eric on an elliptical, and Turtle who is of course not exercising because he's fat and gross and that's funny. He is playing with a gadget, like a Blackberry Palm Bluetooth kind of thing that was obsolete before this script was written, and complaining that Vince said "she" was only staying a couple nights of nights, and "a couple is two." Drama interjects some unrelated and timeless comedy: "Except in fucking Utah." (Certain unofficial bastard sects of) Mormons! Are! Polygamists! Funny! Cut to Vince rolling up his mat -- like a total douche bag, it's a great comedy shot -- and Turtle's like, this is sad. Drama bitches about how "she thinks she's his fucking trainer." Turtle immediately bites back with an "um, so do you." Drama pays the price, ultimately, for this scene, when he jumps down from the treadmill all, "What the fuck did I get certified for then?" Eric tells him to relax, and Turtle gets up in E's grill that "It's all a big joke to Eric because he's been spending the night off-campus at Emily's." Oh, okay. Fifteen questions flood my brain and we're five seconds in. "'Off-campus'?" and "What day is this? When was the last episode in relation to this one?" are the main ones. Drama goes all, you guys are going to get girlfriends and fuck things up -- just like Vince did with Eric last week -- and Eric says, "Quiet, here they come." And honestly? I am not joking. I thought he meant the girlfriends? Like they were being delivered. That's how shitty this show is, like I lose my own ability to reason as a result of watching it.
Drama asks Vince and the Unnamed She, disgustedly and with an unhgh sound at the beginning, how their yoga went. They loved it and they are so in love and it's stupid. Drama asks if Vince is ready for an actual workout and Vince says, very hilariously, "No weights. I just had a mean stretch." They turn to walk off and Kevin Dillon -- the guy that weighs about seventeen pounds? -- stretches his matchstick arms to the sky and yells, "You gotta lift weights if you wanna put on size, man!" My italics, no need to say why. Actually, though, it's funny. Fiona tries to bug, all bulk is so '90s, Johnny! It's all about flexibility, don't you think? but more like the script says, "She says something dumb that a real man would never say." In addition to totally contradicting what he just said and asking him to agree to its opposite, like some kind of retard, she's also got right here a bad voice, bad line reading, bad everything, bad Vince arms around her neck from behind in that hot strangly boyfriend way I hate. Weird how much I'll grow to like this character in the next, uh, twenty-six minutes. Turtle and Drama agree that they don't trust new-agey bullshit "even if it is attached to an ass like that."