24 Hours

Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Long Day's Journey Into Shite

A rather small baby is thrashing about on a bed, getting examined by Doug (assisted by Conni). He has a big old scrape on his knee, like he skinned it; several bruises on his torso and legs, and what looks like a cut over his left eye. He's crying lustily, and sounds like he has a cough. Oh, that's right. This is the obligatory child-abuse case, not the one with the key-swallower. My bad. Let's pretend that the actor who played Mrs. Jimmy prepared for the part by coming up with some big backstory about how she secretly abused him and he got back at her by swallowing her apartment key, okay? Could be true. Anyway. This baby looks like ten miles of bad road. A young woman is standing by while Doug performs the examination, looking worried. I don't want to jump to any conclusions (since I was wrong last time), but since the baby is white and the woman is black, I'm going to guess she's his babysitter or nanny. Anyway. Doug looks grim. In a rather flippant tone that suggests he thinks Nanny did all this to him, Doug tells Conni that they'll have to get some x-rays on Beat-Up Baby. He asks Nanny how this happened. Nanny very quietly says that Beat-Up Baby fell out of his crib. Doug skeptically repeats, "He fell out of his crib?" Nanny elaborates, "He was crying all night, so I brought him here." Doug bitchily says, "I'll bet he's been crying. When did he fall?" Nanny says, "I don't know. I don't want to get into trouble!" Doug clips, "Ma'am, your son has multiple contusions --" "He's not my son," Nanny interrupts. Yeah, Doug, duh, I figured that out ten lines ago. Doug snaps, "Whatever! Whatever your relationship --" "I'm his babysitter!" Nanny squeaks. Doug considers this and then quietly says, "This child has been beaten." Nanny nods. "I'm going to call Children and Family Services," Doug tells her, walking out. "Please!" "It's the law," Doug grits. "But I'll get into trouble!" Nanny protests. Doug tells Conni to stay there. Oh, Doug. I hate to say you're wrong when you look so right.

A girl walks in with her skirt hiked up. Way up. Like, high enough that we can see that her inner thighs are rubbed all raw and red. She looks around purposefully and then strides forward. Jerry spots her and, evidently recognizing her, turns to Mark and asks if Mark wants to "make a guess on the diagnosis of this one?" Cut back to the girl. (She's played by Liz Vassey, so I was just going to call her "Liz," but then I went to the IMDb to make sure I had the spelling of her name right and I see that her character is actually called Liz, so...uh, now I'm especially going to call her that.) Anyway, she walks toward Mark and Jerry, using the hem of her skirt to sort of fan at her thighs. She looks frankly at Jerry and Mark and then informs them simply, "I burned my legs." Jerry glances down at her extended crotch area and calmly replies, "I see." Hee hee. Mark snatches the x-ray Jerry's been holding and throws it up on a light box as Liz snits at Jerry, "It's not funny." She's right; it's lame. Jerry gallantly says he'll get her set up.

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