As Abby emerges into the hall, Carter asks if she's seen Weaver. "Yeah," Abby says. "She's on a break." Carter is about to press the issue, but he stops when he sees Ed Asner suturing his own leg with supplies the nurse set out for Carter -- forty-five minutes ago, as Liz testily notes. Carter bristles and refuses to let this continue, until he notices Gallant approaching with Coco, Felice, Dr. Martin, and a greasy mullet-tastic man. Carter knows what this means -- mullets always translate into trouble -- so he gets up and prepares to face this week's hijinks.
"Mrs. Gilman has a special request," Gallant begins. Felice screeches that her attorney is on the way. Gallant coughs that Coco wants to collect some of Old Man Gilman's sperm. "He's trying to give me a baby," coos Coco. No, I think he's just trying to give you his penis, but okay. "Please don't debase my father any further -- he's senile," spits Felice. Dr. Martin insists that his father is not senile. Felice shoots him a poisonous look. Gallant pipes up that Old Man Gilman has agreed to a procedure called electro-ejaculation. "Come again?" Carter coughs. Yes, Carter, that's precisely the point. And this, of course, is where The Mullet comes into the sordid scenario. "I am an electro-ejaculation technician," The Mullet says. I think he'd want me to capitalize some of that title, but -- tough luck, skag. Carter pauses. "Your parents must be very proud," he finally says. The Mullet insists that Old Man Gilman has to have his semen collected before he dies, or else they'll have to harvest a seminal vesicle, which is more complicated. Coco is glowing. All this talk of million-dollar ejaculate is making her want to polish her nipples with the ten-spot that's burning a hole in her clutch purse. Felice scowls that this is just about money -- that Old Man Gilman promised Coco a fortune if she bears him a child. "My husband signed a release," Coco says airily. Hee, she said "release." Then she shrieks, "I want his semen!" Abby hears this and stops, curious. She arrives just in time to hear The Mullet explain that electro-ejaculation involves shoving a probe up the business end of Old Man Gilman's intestines and contracting muscles that will trigger the ejaculatory reflex and release all the junior Gilmans into the world. Abby and Carter stare at each other for a second. They're thinking the same thing: that this smacks of David E. Kelley at his most juvenile. "Okay, good, excuse me," Carter finally breathes, grabbing Gallant and pulling him off to the side. "Have you called Legal?" he gapes. Gallant says someone is en route. Carter peels off to tend to a trauma patient. "How should I handle this?" Gallant panics. "Gently," giggles Carter.