Props to Maura Tierney, for rocking my world, to pamie and maggie whose trademark expressions I've borrowed below, and to Glark and Sars, with whom I watched the episode, and whose witty comments I wrote down and will pepper throughout this recap.
Previously on ER: Abby (a.k.a. Lisa Miller from Newsradio) was Carol's OB nurse; Chen refused to lie about a diagnosis, and Carter told her to use her judgment and occasionally to bend the rules (Husky Lad much?); Benton asked Finch out and she smiled with her mouth but not her eyes and agreed; Lucy told Luka that it has never been easy for her to "be here" (to which viewers across North America replied "WORD"), and Luka told her that he knew the feeling.
Kerry "The Cleaver" Weaver crutches down the hall as a large patient follows, loudly and sadly describing his symptoms, which include fever and vomiting. Hm, that's a tough one. Could it be impetigo? Housemaid's knee? No, Weaver, with some impressive nasal congestion, testily diagnoses that "it's probably the flu," which is going around. He begs to see a doctor, and then without even making a token gesture at covering his mouth, sneezes at her. She pauses a beat at this indignity, and tells him to go wait in chairs, and that they'll be with him in a minute. As she crutches off, he yells after her that that's what she told him an hour ago. She checks out the board, and "Dr." Dave Malucci appears to tell her that he needs to go home. She snaps at him to "forget it," since they're already shorthanded. Dr. Dave's appeal that he "just puked up [his] breakfast" doesn't sway her in the least. He insists that he has a fever and asks her to feel his head. She snaps, "Feel your own head." Ha! Just then Mark "Mr. Cellophane" Greene bustles in and makes some chipper remark about the return of cold and flu season. Shut up, Mark. Weaver tells him to take his pick of patients with...well, all the usual cold and flu symptoms, and winds up by asking, "Why don't these people go home?" Dr. Dave says, "My point exactly. I got it coming out both ends." I'll say. Mark sarcastically thanks him for sharing. Weaver tells Mark that both the lab and triage are backed up. He helpfully tells her that she looks "awful," and she informs him that she looks better than she feels. She adds that "Carol's called in two registry nurses" who haven't arrived yet. She then coughs impressively into the crook of her elbow. Mark tells her she should see a doctor, and wanders away. Dr. Dave tells her that he shouldn't be seeing patients. Clearly arriving at the end of her rope, she barks, "Take some Immodium. Wear a mask." Actually, he should be doing that every day.