Benton Backwards

Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now!
Benton Backwards

At the desk, Chen is begging someone to perform the surgery on Kenneth. Okay, when she's trying to sell it by saying that it will add "weeks" to his life, she has to know that it's just not going to happen. The call doesn't go well and she hangs up. Mark, eavesdropping again, asks what she's doing. She says she's all but promised Mrs. Kenneth that she'd come through with surgery, and that there are a few more places she can try. Mark says she knows they'll turn her down, adding, "You know, sometimes as much as we like to give it, hope can be cruel." That's damn right. Now, will someone please tell that to Elizabeth so that she ends this farce of an engagement? He walks out from behind the desk, and Dr. Dave tells him to "think fast" (fat chance), using a crutch to shoot a rolled-up tensor bandage at him. He tosses a crutch to Mark, who shoots the bandage right past Dr. Dave, who, frankly, sucks as a goalie. Dr. Dave tells him the game's at 8 PM. Mark beams; his chin recedes and makes his head look even more phallic than usual.

Mr. Mellonston is on his way out. Weaver can't believe that the VA is moving this quickly, and Mitchell explains that they're not; Mitchell got Mr. Mellonston into another nursing home, using a social-security number she got off someone in the morgue. Weaver is shocked -- shocked -- that Mitchell would do such a thing, and Mitchell says she does it all the time. Weaver's all, "La la la la la I can't hear you," until Frank appears to remind her she has to go to her seminar. Mitchell announces that she's going to the same seminar, and offers to save Weaver a seat. On her face. Um, I mean..."just kidding."

Mark leads Miss Pruitt to Audrey's bed, and tells Audrey Miss Pruitt's an "expert cosmetologist." Audrey anxiously asks her whether she can cover the marks, and Miss Pruitt says that she's worked on worse. Audrey turns to Mark and moans, "But I've got open wounds!" He tells her she's on antibiotics and will be fine, but that after the pageant she mustn't apply any more makeup to her legs. She thanks him and he takes off. Haleh recognizes Miss Pruitt as a makeup artist from a funeral home. Ha. Ha? Mark runs into Elizabeth, who reminds him they were supposed to leave half an hour ago to go look at art for the house. He tells her about Dr. Dave's hockey game, and she can't believe he wants to play hockey with Dr. Dave, and says he's never said a word to her about hockey before. They go into the locker room, and she asks Mark whether he's any good. Uh, I'll field that one -- no. No matter what she's talking about. He suggests that she come watch, and find out for herself: "You bring your sweater, you bring your pom poms. I'd be in uniform..." He starts making out with her. Hey, I've got a cheer for you: that's all right, that's okay. You're gonna make me barf someday. She flirtatiously says that she never knew sports had this effect on him, and they make out. Oh, god. Get a room -- preferably on UPN, where I'll never have to look at you.

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