Romano wanders over to the desk, where he runs into Chen, who paged him. She gives him some background info on Sickly. Romano's all, "Doesn't he have some really rare disease?" She's like, "Uh..." He's all, "Thought so. Bye." She's like, "I really hope you're not the father of my baby." Romano rounds the corner and ends up right in the middle of the Tri-State contestants, doing their hair, painting their toenails, and giggling. Romano asks, of no one in particular, "What the hell is this?" and a passing Mark replies, "Explosion in a hair salon." I think that's my favourite Tragically Hip album. Romano pontificates, "Sad cultural commentary, isn't it? Pursuit of beauty at all costs. [beat] Nice legs, though."
Speaking of legs, Mark's back with Audrey. He hands her a mirror and ministers to her burns. She starts crying, "What am I going to do?" He tells her that they probably won't scar, and she angstily tells him that she can't go on stage looking the way she does. Can't you wear pants. Not in the swimsuit competition, STUPID. My life is ruined. You probably think this is stupid. I'm only doing this for the scholarship. I'm pre-med. I can give you something for the pain. They look worse than they feel. Blah blah blah, whatever, PRINCESS. Mark asks a nearby Malik to call a Miss Pruitt, and Malik is like, "Oh, Miss Pruitt, you mean that --" but Mark cuts him off. He moves on to Dr. Dave, asking whether he'd found anyone. Dr. Dave's all evasive, "For what?" and Mark reminds him, "For hockey tonight." Dr. Dave says a friend of his might play, and adds that they play a pretty rough game. Mark asks if Dr. Dave thinks Mark can't handle it, and I'm like, "No one in the known universe thinks you can handle it, ma'am." Mark tells Dr. Dave that he used to play Varsity, and Dr. Dave says that if his friend can't make it, Mark's in, like, step off, Needy O'Hara!
Carter gloves up and hurries into a trauma room, where Luka's working on a woman with multiple gunshot wounds, one to the chest. They lose the pulse; Carter starts compressions, and Luka says they'll need to crack her chest. Carter remarks that a right-sided gunshot wound is an indication for the sternal saw: "Can I do it?" "Next time, Carter," says Luka gently, as if Carter'd just asked to go to Disney World. I've always found it unsettling the way that the doctors are always all excited about doing complicated procedures. I'm sure it's partly about saving the life of someone who'd surely die if you didn't intervene. On the other hand, I get the feeling the appeal is of using special gadgets to do something cool, you know? A woman is dying on the table. If what you really want is to get your hands on some exciting technology, go buy a Playstation 2. Carter stops compressions at Luka's instruction and glances at the door, where Mr. Mellonston is watching the proceedings. Luka busts out the sternal saw and...ecch. Weaver comes to find Mr. Mellonston, who's all senile dementiacakes, and takes him back to bed. She tells him that he's lost his bed in his nursing home, but that she's going to try to get him into a VA hospital, to which news he reacts rather violently: "No! No, they won't take me!...I won't go there! I can't go there! I won't!" Weaver calls Malik to come help me, and Mr. Mellonston suddenly grabs Weaver, holds her close, and begs her not to let them take him. Weaver's like...uh. Okay.