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Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | 289 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic

"What's the biggest angiogram you have?" Malucci asks Frosty, who is on her knees helping him work on Ulcer. She hands him a fourteen-gauge, and he dramatically announces that he's going to attempt retrograde intubation. Here, it looks like he sticks a needle threaded with wire through Ulcer's throat and reaches into Ulcer's mouth to pull the wire through and out. Flannel looks nauseated, but does reach out to hold the needle at Malucci's command. Dr. Dave uses words like "Sparky" so that we know he's showboating. He shouts for the tube, and after some confusion, gets it, completing the intubation and grinning like he hit a home run in the World Series. Frosty melts, so it's clear Dave will hit a home run somewhere tonight.

Weaver chases an impatient Dr. Robert "Heart of Gold? Me?" Romano through the hospital. "Doctors are human," she argues. "We make mistakes." Romano gripes that if Paul (the patient Malucci and Chen botched last week) had been diagnosed properly in the first place and gone straight to the OR instead of getting thrombolytics, he'd be alive and well and flipping burgers at McDonald's. Probably a delectable pair of all-beef patties, to which he'll add special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and a sesame-seed bun. Hungry yet? "Marfan's [Syndrome] is hard to detect," Weaver insists. "The residents have never heard of it." How is that possible? Shouldn't they know their syndromes? Romano rightly points out that attending physicians exist for just such situations. Weaver sighs that she can't be everywhere at once, especially if she's busy leaving her pager atop the toilet paper holder in the bathroom at some local greasy spoon. "Wrong answer!" shouts Romano, spinning and seething right in Kerry's face. "As we speak, the Trib is writing a feature story on this screw-up and the rise in preventable deaths, so come up with a better excuse than 'doctors are human,' or find yourself a good old-fashioned scapegoat." Weaver doesn't have to look very hard. At that second, the elevator doors open and the crowd pours out, leaving Malucci and Frosty on the floor with Ulcer. "Who's your daddy?" he brags, grinning. They mentally undress each other as Weaver watches with interest, but this time -- for once -- it's not a lesbian anvil.

Chen and Carter tickle The Baby Who Brought Them Together, And Happened To Do It In the ER. "She's pinking up!" Chen grins, tickled. She's breathing on her own, her heart rate is normal, and her temperature has crept up much closer to the safety zone. Carter decides to call Social Services and DCFS, because the baby needs a family, but a gawker comes in first. She's an elderly lady named Marissa who claims to have found the baby in St. Anthony's and wanted to make sure she lived. Carter praises her for rescuing the child. Marissa excitedly introduces her sister, Carmine, and begs for a glimpse of the mark on the chest of The Baby Who Brought Together Carter and Marissa. Carter complies, lifting the blanket. "¿Ya ves? ¡Te lo dije! ¡Es una señal de la Vírgen!" Marissa exclaims. It means, literally but for whatever rust lingers on my Spanish, "Do you see? It's as I told you! It's a sign of the Virgin!" Carmine and Marissa frantically do the sign of the cross, and leave glowing. Chuny explains to a confused Carter and Chen that the gawkers think the birthmark is a holy thing, a sign of the Virgin Mary. It looks like a dark-red, miniature California, and it's directly atop where her heart would be. Chen marvels that it resembles a bleeding heart, but Carter the Skeptic snorts and leaves. Chen trots after him and thanks him quite sincerely for helping her through the procedure. "Any time," he says, pleasantly. She pats him.

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