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Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | 289 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic

Malucci treats a sorry-looking man in a red velour suit that's half-devil, half-superhero. The man is a fire-eater, and lost half his facial hair in an accident caused by the fact that he lost his Vaseline, substituted hair gel to shape his handlebar mustache, and subsequently learned what "inflammable" means. Malucci assures him that the skin looks fine, but they have to shave off the rest of the mustache. "You can't shave my mustache," protests the patient. "That's my trademark." Dr. Dave suggests that he can get an extension until it grows back, but we're not paying attention because the camera is on a speeding Weaver. She snatches the chart and orders Malik to hand off the patient to another doctor. "Look, Chief, I know you're pissed, but come on, let's be real about this," Malucci argues, following her into Reception. "If you really wanted to axe me, you'd have to go through the residency review committee, and then the disciplinary committee, and then they'd want to counsel me." Spoken like a man who's experienced the system. He smarms that they should hash out the details of a suspension, but nothing more. Weaver coolly refers to the five letters in his file detailing unprofessional behavior, for which he received counseling each time. "You have failed two rotations," she spits. "Yes, there will be a meeting of the residency review committee and yes, they will once again offer you counseling, but I'm telling you right now: you will never work in this ER again." Malucci is irate, claiming she only hates him because he doesn't kiss her ass. "Yeah, I like to have fun sometimes, but I'm a damn good doctor," he asserts. "I had a half-dozen great saves today." Weaver mutters that being a doctor requires more than just a few saves. "What, I have to adopt your cheery attitude and sparkling bedside manner?" he fumes, accusing Weaver of firing him simply because she does not care for him personally. "You're right, I don't like you," Weaver shouts. "You show no respect for me, your colleagues, this hospital. You like to think that you have this cowboy approach to medicine, but you don't have the goods to back it up. You make mistakes -- mistakes that kill people!" Mark is watching now with unabashed interest. Weaver should pray Paul's family -- or family lawyers -- aren't within earshot of the waiting room. She's broadcasting an implication of malpractice.

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