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Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | 289 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic

The elevator, of course, gets stuck between floors, and the patient in the wheelchair blames it on Malucci for exceeding capacity.

Luka wheels in Jungle Bob, a homeless man who set up booby traps to protect his "territory" and then got caught in one of them. Jungle Bob is wearing camouflage clothing. Luka tells Malik to set up lateral c-spine, chest, and pelvis tests. "Abby's covering trauma," Malik apologizes, bolting. Abby winces, then groans inwardly when Mark releases her to go help Luka. Stilty is still bitching. "My friend Marty's a mime," he says. "He carries a gun." Mark is startled and hopes that's a joke. "Hell, no! Some punks love to hear the mimes scream!" insists Stilty. Is it wrong that I'm laughing, and at the concept, not the dialogue? Am I a sick bastard?

Malik informs Mark that Weaver has ordered a wound culture on Candy's butt bite. He leads the adequate doc to Candy, where we see her chatting up a teenager about moving out on her own at age ten, and that it was the best decision she ever made. Mark gapes, "Rachel?" He almost didn't recognize her, what with her being a totally different actress and all. Rachel apparently took the train from St. Louis because, she alleges, her mother booted her. "My mom kicked me out, too," Candy drawls. "Best thing that ever happened to me." Mark glares at the hooker and steers Rachel away, anxious to protect her from the reality of a life that literally bites people on the ass. Rachel actually calls Mark "Daddy," which is a sure sign she's trying to ingratiate herself.

Chen, Carter, and Chuny operate on The Baby Who Will Unite the ER. They gripe that the mother tied off the umbilical cord with a shoelace, and Chen screams, "Where the hell is pedes?" They're trying to insert a catheter, Carter talking calmly while Chen gets agitated and yells for Weaver. "What if you can't pass the catheter?" she wails. Carter confirms that the umbilical vein looks good, but Chen orders the baby's ankle to be prepped and draped just in case. Carter estimates TBWWUtER's weight at three kilos, ordering twenty units of fluid per kilo. The test works; the baby will get her treatment. "Nice work, Deb," he grins. She's all business again, barking orders; Carter smiles to himself, because men with glass in their feet are the real heroes.

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