ER
ER

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | 289 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic

Malucci gets on the horn in the stalled elevator, calling for Security. "They're working on it," he relays, hanging up. A woman swoons from the heat. "This happens all the time," Malucci lies. The wheelchair man grouses that he's pretty sure he has an ulcer. Malucci leans into Frosty and pants, "If you get scared, I'll hold you." She arches a brow and wonders what she might fear. "Plummeting to our deaths," Malucci smarms, leaning closer. Frosty basically tells him to stuff it. Ulcer suddenly moans, "I think I'm gonna be sick," and looks extremely pale, which is a natural reaction to the low caliber of Dr. Dave's pickup lines. "No one's going to be sick, no one's going to faint," Malucci barks. So naturally, Ulcer vomits bright red liquid, ostensibly blood but much closer in appearance to a gallon of Kool-Aid.

Rachel, meanwhile, obviously knows how important her father is: while he gets her a soda, she puts on headphones and cranks up the volume. Mark approaches with the drinks and blathers that he likes that song. "You listen to Abandoned Pools?" she asks, dubiously. "I do now, along with everyone else within a six-block radius," he replies. And everyone else who's smart enough to pick up the album in stores today! Seriously, is this The Soundtrack Episode? First Cake, then Abandoned Pools. Where will it end? Mark tries to be cool and talk about Led Zeppelin and how they're albums, not records, but he's boring. He offers Rachel a snack, but she snots that she's a vegetarian now. "Mom thinks it's just a phase," snaps Rachel. "Like, hel-lo, it's just a healthy lifestyle, she should try it." The kid then insists that her mother tossed all of Rachel's clothes out onto the lawn and desperately needs therapy. "She grounded me last week for being home a half-hour late," she whines. "Come on, it's summer vacation!" Instead of defending the importance of respect and rules, Mark rolls his eyes and gets up to call his ex. "Don't bother," Rachel snorts. "She's beyond reason." Mark is bothered that Rachel left without telling her mother where she'd be. Finally, someone on Rachel's level of brat approaches: Elizabeth. Mark herds her away from Rachel so that they can confer in hushed voices. Elizabeth, of course, accuses Mark of not telling her that Rachel was due for a visit. "She ran away!" Mark insists. "She and Jen are having mother-daughter issues." This is all about Elizabeth, really, so she points out that despite her poor pitiful childhood, she didn't run away, because she is a superior person. "No, your mother would've set the hounds on you," he teases. Oh, would that were so.

ER

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP