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Episode Report Card
Heathen: C | 402 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Bygones

Suddenly, the blonde sits up, choking on her own blood. "Hang on, she's trying to say something!" shouts Weaver. "Honey? Tell us your name!" Chen is busy trying to bag the girl so she has a hope of breathing. But she spies Martin staring desolately through the trauma-ward doors and growls for someone to escort him back to his room. The girl shoves away the bag and tries to sit up again. "What is it?" Kerry pleads. "I....loved....her," rasps the blonde before collapsing onto the slab. Kerry pales and stares down at her patient, just revealed as Diana's attacker. As Weaver realizes that she is a lesbian and Lesbians are Killers, Too, Laura Innes rues the fact that she had to be in the scene that first coated this episode in flaming waste matter. Seriously, that was unforgivable. The melodramatic way the blonde delivered her line harks back to the Brenda Loses Her Virginity episode of Beverly Hills, 90210. Andrea skips the spring dance and pops in a slasher flick, then falls asleep and dreams that she showed up at the shindig with a chainsaw and menaced Brandon while wailing, "You...said...you...LIKED...me!" At least that was intended as farce. This? Ooh. Not so much.

Elizabeth trucks through the hospital and runs smack into a delusional patient, and I'll say right now that I'm not even going to bother recapping him here or later in the hour, because he's pretty pointless. She stumbles upon Susan putting drops in Mark's eyes. "This beats a patch any day," she says. "I thought women liked pirates," Mark posits. "Four hundred years ago, maybe," snarks Susan. Elizabeth hears this entire exchange, so the fact that she's ignorant to why Mark might need drops or an eyepatch (after the Gamma treatment, his right eye didn't always close) just proves how inattentive, dense, and self-involved she is. Elizabeth interrupts uncomfortably because she got assigned to Joanne's liver case. Mark thanks Susan and escorts Elizabeth away.

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