Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!

Pity I had to make all that up. What actually happens is far tamer -- Viktor wakes up and Kyle chokes, "Welcome back, Champ." Viktor then reaches for his mother's hand and squeezes her fingers. Linda gasps. "This may have been a breakthrough day!" Dr. Kind gushes. Adele rolls her eyes so hard that one of them falls out. Mark grimaces at the embarrassing idiocy of all of them. Dr. Kind excitedly talks about other methods they can try besides this misguided womb thing. "Not if you intend on keeping Viktor," Adele warns. "What you did today was abusive, not loving." Her lecture fades out as Mark grows increasingly woozy; abruptly, he grabs the chart and says, "I have to go." He flees the room having turned a rich shade of green.

Mark hands Weaver a bunch of paperwork, hurrying through some follow-up instructions so that he can escape before vomiting all over the lackluster linoleum. But Weaver wants him to complete all his work instead of skipping out early. Mark turns around. He's actually...gulp...agitated. "I just had my first round of chemo, Kerry. I feel like hell," Mark snaps tiredly. "I'm going to go home early, okay?" Damn! Settle, Mark. Granted, they're on the same level as physicians, but Kerry runs the ER and I don't know many bosses who take kindly to people who try to bail early on a shift without explanation. He could've been nicer, is all. Carter, who is on the phone, has let the receiver slip slightly in his hand; he, Gallant, Kerry, and a bearded extra gape in concern as Mark exits the ER. The Beard puzzles, "So this isn't the Bee Gees' reunion movie?"

Luka scampers into his apartment in warm-ups, holding a basketball. He encounters Abby sitting at his dining table, poring through the classified ads in search of her own apartment. "What's the expression? 'Couch tomato'?" he grins. Abby scrunches her face. "'Potato,'" she corrects with a snicker. "And I'm at the table." Luka says something about buying a new comforter, and I don't know why. "Don't do it on my account," Abby says. She then gives him a phone message from a girl named Michele. "I forgot," Luka says glibly. "You're taking her to the Ice Capades?" Abby snorts, unable to hide her mockery, and rightly. Luka angelically doesn't get why that's so funny. Abby grins that she tried explaining to Michele that she's just a roommate and nothing more, and casually sips a beer. Luka waves off the idea of Michele and grabs Abby's beer for a swig. "Is this the last one?" he asks. "No, there's more in there," she says. Luka gives her a weird appraising look -- the only hint we've seen that he's concerned or clued-in to the alcoholism, so I'm thoroughly confused. It sounds sort of like he was asking her if it was her last beer, even though he ends up going to the fridge and cracking open a brew for himself. I'm confused. I guess the consensus is that he doesn't know about her alcoholism, which is why it threw me that he gave her an "I know what's really going on" look. Eh. ["For some reason, I thought she had told him on their first date that she was an alcoholic, but I did a search on the old recaps and there's no evidence that she's ever told him, so I think you're right." -- Wing Chun] Luka and Abby joke about the dearth of cool-yet-cheap apartments, and then Luka sends a nation of viewers into an orgasmic tizzy by announcing his intent to strip himself gloriously nude and drench himself in a steaming hot shower. Just typing that sentence fogged up my shower, actually. Abby cracks, "You don't want to keep [figure skating duo] Tai and Randy waiting." Luka grins boyishly and trots off to be wet.

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