Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!

Up in the OR, Romano and Elizabeth hack away at Diana. He ribs her about how long it took to get Diana to him:"Someone chops this girl up like a clove of garlic, and you take your sweet time in the ER?" he snipes. Amen, Rocket. Elizabeth argues that she was repairing a large defect in Diana's ventricle; Romano still thinks she was being imprudent. Elizabeth disagrees. Then they both just go ahead and whip it out, and in an odd twist, Elizabeth's is bigger. She pointedly ignores Romano's prying attempts to draw out what's bothering her, until he finally hits on it. "You and the hubby still fighting?" he asks. She has daggers in her eyes. "Aha," he grins. "I see the rumor mill's still churning out winners." This bugs Lizzie. "Want my advice?" he continues cheerfully. "No," Elizabeth answers. "Stay away from love," Romano concludes. "It does things to the brain." So there it is, folks -- Elizabeth gave Mark the tumor. Diana's heart suddenly craps out, though, and both doctors resume doing what they're paid to do.

Paul and Joanne are downstairs with Mark, who's using jargon to explain that Joanne has suffered extensive liver damage. But Joanne doesn't drink or do drugs, so she can't ascertain quite how this came to be. "Have you had anything out of the ordinary to eat in the last few days?" Mark asks. Paul furrows his brow. "We had seared ahi last night," he says. "And pear salad." Somehow, that's my favorite line of the episode, as if ahi and pear salad could be life's silent killers. Joanne blanches. "Chanterelles," she whispers. Apparently, they picked some mushrooms in Marin and froze them, and the other morning she threw them in an omelet. Did she thaw them first? Mark's face is an open book -- it's obvious he knows she's screwed. "You could have amanita poisoning," he sighs. "Extreme cases can result in full liver failure." They're stunned, so Mark quickly states that she's not in that kind of danger just yet, but he wants to test a family member's liver to see if they can line up an emergency donor.

An anonymous blonde arrives in the ER, also a stabbing victim from the college. Weaver frowns. Two stabbings. Two women. This can only be the handiwork of...a murderous lesbian! Weaver seriously stands there as if she's had a Terrible, Awful Realization. Chen says, "Great. A killing spree on campus." Chuny runs around saying, "Remind me not to hang out there." Weaver leans in to examine the girl while Chen yells medical things to the nurses. Lily runs in to ask Weaver how many patients from the school fire they can handle. "Three criticals and four minors," Weaver says without a moment's thought. That's why she's so good at her job -- she knows exactly what's going on in the ER at all times, unless of course the scripts dictate that she's supposed to forget her pager in a bathroom.

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