Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!

Suddenly, the blonde sits up, choking on her own blood. "Hang on, she's trying to say something!" shouts Weaver. "Honey? Tell us your name!" Chen is busy trying to bag the girl so she has a hope of breathing. But she spies Martin staring desolately through the trauma-ward doors and growls for someone to escort him back to his room. The girl shoves away the bag and tries to sit up again. "What is it?" Kerry pleads. "I....loved....her," rasps the blonde before collapsing onto the slab. Kerry pales and stares down at her patient, just revealed as Diana's attacker. As Weaver realizes that she is a lesbian and Lesbians are Killers, Too, Laura Innes rues the fact that she had to be in the scene that first coated this episode in flaming waste matter. Seriously, that was unforgivable. The melodramatic way the blonde delivered her line harks back to the Brenda Loses Her Virginity episode of Beverly Hills, 90210. Andrea skips the spring dance and pops in a slasher flick, then falls asleep and dreams that she showed up at the shindig with a chainsaw and menaced Brandon while wailing, "!" At least that was intended as farce. This? Ooh. Not so much.

Elizabeth trucks through the hospital and runs smack into a delusional patient, and I'll say right now that I'm not even going to bother recapping him here or later in the hour, because he's pretty pointless. She stumbles upon Susan putting drops in Mark's eyes. "This beats a patch any day," she says. "I thought women liked pirates," Mark posits. "Four hundred years ago, maybe," snarks Susan. Elizabeth hears this entire exchange, so the fact that she's ignorant to why Mark might need drops or an eyepatch (after the Gamma treatment, his right eye didn't always close) just proves how inattentive, dense, and self-involved she is. Elizabeth interrupts uncomfortably because she got assigned to Joanne's liver case. Mark thanks Susan and escorts Elizabeth away.

"What's in New York?" Elizabeth wonders casually. "There were charges on my Visa bill from New York." He snuck away and used her credit card? What is wrong with his brain? Oh, wait, tumor. Right. ["If they each had a Visa on a joint account, both the charges he made on his own card and the charges she made on hers would show up on the same statement. Just a little boring info from Shared Finances Land." -- Wing Chun] Mark deftly avoids the question because they're at reception and he needs Jerry to point him in the direction of a girl called Terry. "Fifty-two dollars from Saks," Lizzie persists. It was probably for a designer skull cap. Mark claims it was a phone order. "Something you couldn't find in Chicago?" she asks skeptically. But again, Mark skirts the issue because they've found Terry: She's Joanne's sister. "Paul said it was serious," she frets. "Serious enough that we should line up a donor," Elizabeth nods. Terry is baffled.

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