Elle wheels up, toting her IV bag and tiredly seeking her parents. Abby goes off to find them for her.
As Coop tries to breathe deeply, Malarkey and Neela deal with him. The show doesn't do a great job distinguishing between Neela, as a med student, and these two bumblefucks, as second-year residents. Maybe that's the point, though -- Malarkey's a total knob, and Coop's just kind of...Coop. "Epi," croaks Coop. Malarkey reads out, "Point three," and then hands Neela a needle and tells her to push it. She mistakenly thinks he means all of it, and not just 0.3 Whatevers, so she jams it all into Coop's vein. Coop's eyes fly open. "Too much," he gasps. Malarkey can't believe she pushed it all, and I'm not sure why he gave her so much extra in the damn needle to begin with. Perhaps filling a needle with that little fluid puts him at risk for air bubbles in his vein. Okay, I totally made that up, but it sounded plausible, huh? Nice. "He can handle it," Malarkey says hopefully. On cue, Coop drops onto his back and thumps at his heart pathetically. "V-tach," Neela groans. "Crash cart!" Abby runs up and takes control: they want to charge him to 300, but she intervenes. "Stable v-tach only needs fifty," she instructs. She offers Coop valium, but he stupidly doesn't accept it, so she shocks him and his entire body jolts with the current. It doesn't work so she winds it up to 100. "Valium," Coop croaks, but she shocks him anyway and it fixes him up nice. Not before his toenails curl, though. "Congratulations," Abby says stiffly to a guilty-looking Neela. "You just saved your first resident." We fade to black hoping that her goodwill toward men doesn't extend to saving Pratt next time he's in a jam, and wishing that the anvil with "Abby Is As Smart As These Doctor-Types, Isn't She?" etched into it would please stop dropping onto our feet.
A couple of the nurses are sitting petulantly in chairs. "You can't just sit here," Abby begs. "The union steward said we have to stay our entire shift," Conni grumbles. Abby begs them to help, but Lydia hops on Abby's back and uses it to propel herself onto the high horse that's going to carry her, we hope, far away from this episode. "Think about how you'll feel ten years from now when they start replacing you with minimum-wage grads out of nursing school," she preaches. I didn't realize the nursing pay scale was so vast. I'm guessing it isn't, really, based on how realistic all this sounds.