As Dr. Diego winks at Elizabeth and wheels a now-stable Old Man Crabby upstairs -- his hand still clutching the Whatever Disgusting Artery Is Way The Hell Up There -- Elizabeth, Susan, Abby, and the residents watch him go, in awe. "How wicked was that?" Malarkey breathes. "Guy's got balls the size of my head," Coop affirms. He's one to talk, after going toe-to-toe with Romano. Taken together, I'd say it was a veritable nadfest in that trauma room just then. Susan rips off her gloves angrily while Elizabeth contemplates bumming a smoke off Abby.

Neela shuffles around a bunch of paperwork as people pass things around over her head. "A med student was crushed to death working on this computer last year," Dr. Michael "The Sweetest Thing" Gallant flirts. Neela grins at him. "Save any lives today?" he asks. "No," she sighs. "She saved one," Coop offers. And, yes, here it comes: Blah blah blah, "...but my friends call me Coop," Coop says, shaking Gallant's hand. Someone should just make him a sign. It'd save time. Gallant asks if he missed anything good, and Jerry cheerfully offers that Kovac returned and Abby got a "Dear John" letter from...John. That's trippy. Romano, observing in the background, asks what it says. "I imagine it's private," Neela says. "You're probably right. What does it say?" Romano repeats. Jerry begins to read, and mercifully, Abby appears to snatch it angrily from his paws before any more of Carter's insipid prose leaks into our consciousness. "Has anybody not read this letter?" she snaps irritably. "I haven't," says B.Y.O. Urine Sample, perched conveniently in the background. Abby spits that they're pathetic for pulling that letter out of the trash.

Lydia drifts by with Conni to let Abby know that they got letters, too -- official ones, heralding ninety-day suspensions and thereby signaling the end of their involvement in this episode. This must mean we're coming up to the big punchline. Wait, wait, here it is: Abby stops in her tracks, throws back her head, and shouts, "I HATE MY JOB!" Wow! So do you think she might, I don't know, do something about it? It's a mystery. If only there had been signs. Edna shuffles past and offers, "Don't worry, dear, it'll get better!" Abby stares at the frail, crazy frame of what she might become if she remains a nurse, ceases to eat, and flushes her marbles, and blinks with distaste.

Pratt is presented with a plate of something that looks rather intimidating. Chen's mother oozes that they ordered something off the menu, and they hope he doesn't mind their taking that liberty. Did he get there that late? I have a hard time imagining that he was so tardy that he'd have missed the ordering process entirely and not noticed until food was presented to him. "Fifty bucks says he won't eat anything," Chen's parents chortle to each other, because...what, Chinese parents are assholes? Nice. Lin Chen asks Pratt what his parents do. "My mom died when I was twelve," he says, adding that he does not correspond with his father. "That's unfortunate," Mr. Chen says. "Family is a valuable part of one's life. It's important to have roots." Chen rolls her eyes and doesn't appreciate it when her mother announces that Chen is going to be visiting China and rediscovering her heritage. "No, I'm not, Mom," Chen corrects tensely. "It's difficult to know where you're going if you don't know where you came from," her father says. "What's that, Confucius?" Pratt asks, recognition dawning appreciatively on his face. "Common sense," Lin Chen spits. Pratt nods, embarrassed, and Chen looks like she'd very much enjoy dropping through the floor. I wish they didn't feel compelled to make her parents so stereotypical. Bastards.